Description: wow, it's been a long time, but here we go, I've managed to crank something out.
Does it ever seem like every step you take towards your ultimate goal hurts some of those that you care about? Please tell me what you think of this piece. I want to see if anyone gets the meaning out of this piece that I'm trying to convey (which is more than anyone will probably ever figure out). I decided not to capitalize or do much punctuation with this piece because I really don't think it needs it.
The Way to Sanctuary -------------------------------------------
impending pressures surround
the limbs, so tightly bound
brain screaming to escape
such lonely crowded landscape
all the evils that mislead
lie in wait for hope to concede
concealed in an invisible space
seen by all as commonplace
hidden obstacles tempt mistake
speaking of inevitable heartbreak
along all pathways seeking final choice
each lined with pain in a loved one's voice
universal warnings to quicken the pace
towards a lover's lifelong embrace
tower over fragile fairytale dreams
ripping confidence out by the seams
many a crossroad lay ahead
along one single path to tred
sitting alongside a stream of tears
as sheer determination perseveres
with respect to the fact that you have built in contradictions, im not sure this counts, but i dont think that this line works :
such lonely crowded landscape
surely there should be 'a' or 'and' or something in there somewhere. i just doesnt sound right. The poem itself was quite good, if a little weighed down by strick rhyme and the magnitude of each line. Perhaps it is intesional that there is no 'release' from the building pressure created by all of the images used...im not sure, anyway well done for whats been achieved with this ellisa
Submission Name: The Way to Sanctuary
