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    dots Submission Name: The Way to Sanctuarydots

    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827

       wow, it's been a long time, but here we go, I've managed to crank something out.

    Does it ever seem like every step you take towards your ultimate goal hurts some of those that you care about? Please tell me what you think of this piece. I want to see if anyone gets the meaning out of this piece that I'm trying to convey (which is more than anyone will probably ever figure out). I decided not to capitalize or do much punctuation with this piece because I really don't think it needs it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Way to Sanctuarydots

    impending pressures surround
    the limbs, so tightly bound
    brain screaming to escape
    such lonely crowded landscape

    all the evils that mislead
    lie in wait for hope to concede
    concealed in an invisible space
    seen by all as commonplace

    hidden obstacles tempt mistake
    speaking of inevitable heartbreak
    along all pathways seeking final choice
    each lined with pain in a loved one's voice

    universal warnings to quicken the pace
    towards a lover's lifelong embrace
    tower over fragile fairytale dreams
    ripping confidence out by the seams

    many a crossroad lay ahead
    along one single path to tred
    sitting alongside a stream of tears
    as sheer determination perseveres

    Submitted on 2005-03-22 09:50:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      RE: Lonley crowded landscape:

    I also noted the image of the lonely crowded landscape....It's possible. Crowded landscapes can be lonely...isolated...impersonal...any number of things..perhaps based on how we are feeling inside.

    Also I love the following stanza:

    many a crossroad lay ahead
    along one single path to tred
    sitting alongside a stream of tears
    as sheer determination perseveres

    I can picture this and the image really reminds me of times in my life where I knew the path, cried the tears and moved forward on sheer determination.

    Just a little thing, perhaps you might substitute "beside" for alongside since the word "along" appears one line above.

    This poem is a keeper. Thanks for sharing it with us.

    | Posted on 2011-09-25 00:00:00 | by EW61 | [ Reply to This ]
      with respect to the fact that you have built in contradictions, im not sure this counts, but i dont think that this line works :

    such lonely crowded landscape

    surely there should be 'a' or 'and' or something in there somewhere. i just doesnt sound right. The poem itself was quite good, if a little weighed down by strick rhyme and the magnitude of each line. Perhaps it is intesional that there is no 'release' from the building pressure created by all of the images used...im not sure, anyway well done for whats been achieved with this
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]

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