Description: I drove by a girl who could have been me ten years ago. It made me think of this
Suburban White Girl -------------------------------------------
Hey suburban white girl
Giggling falsely with your girlfriends
On the street behind the high school
Where I had to drive for business.
I was you a while ago
With my combat boots of statement
Paired with Prada from my grandma
Smoking joints stained pink with lipstick
While on break form cheerleading practice
Chugging whiskey on the weekends
Teasing college boys with jailbate
Lying to parental units
Lusting after dudes with piercings
Singing solos in church choir
With a voice sent from the angels
Puking lunch into the toilet
Reading Kafka at the cafe
Playing leads in all the school plays
Getting A's and B's for mother
Keeping secrets from my daddy
Screaming to the Lord above me
"Why am I the golden goddess??"
Wishing so to be unseen
For a week or two or three
Just to possibly discover
Why I hate this girl called me.
I want to grab and hold you/me-girl
Let you weep in my embraces
Teach you how to scream your pain out
From your brain cut out the demons.
But I drive on by in silence
With smile of nostalgia
While remembering the pain
that formed the woman I've transformed to.
Mildly humorous, except for the 2nd last stanza, which seems a bit sorely placed, (cut out the demons from your brain - sounds like a scene from a mental hospital, - but that might be just me ...)
I guess why I liked this one is because it is taken from the comfortable position of wisdom from hindsight ... something I can also take a deep breath and be grateful for ...
Also it is a relief to read something which puts all the "hormonal evolution that is out of control poetry" in its proper context - Its just a phase "you're going/we all went" through.
Simultaneously compassionate and critical, by dint of your own personal experience.
You know, having been a golden boy myself, I picked up on something that I believe few will realize, unless they'd lived it. There's something terrible about being the apple of everyone's eye, the desired, popular, beautiful, envy of those around you. People are apt to say, oh boo-fukking-hoo, poor you! But it's so true . . . really, to never be appreciated for the things you want to be, always overshadowed by something you have no control over, this gift of being, a thing for eyeballs and envy. Objectified, idolized . . . they don't realize. But I do, and did, and the pressure of always being on stage, as it were . . . all so poignant here, in this poem. Thanks for this, Mary. Someone gets it and that makes the world seem a little brighter, for the golden boy in me.
I had to read this one. I've known so many suburban white girls that I had to kno how ya'll thot and such. U seem like u were better adjusted than most of the ones i met the only part i didn't get was y one would want to disappear for a few weeks to find out y they hated themselves. would that let them see how the world woud be without them? like a wonderful world? shard
Hey lil slappy- I read this yesterday and right in the middle of commenting I realized I was late picking Savanna up from school and off I went. So, I see you have made some changes and I like them. I wanted to tell you that this made me think of myself and my two best girlfriends from highschool, Sara and Blake. Blake especially, she was the "it" girl. Blonde, artsy, came from an all girls school where she blew everyone away with her portrayal of Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar...she was way older than her 17 years and the boys always noticed. She wouldn't date them though, she would tease them, we'd all smoke pot in the kitchen of her mom's townhouse and drink expensive wine from her cellar. She dated older men and I wanted to be her sooo bad. Anyway, she was such a pivotal person in my youth and she was the " golden goddess"...I lived vicariously through her and would have died to trade my white cotton bikini's for her collection of Victoria Secret lingerie. On the outside she was pure, but deep down she was lusty and womanly and way ahead of her time. I miss her and your piece gave her back for a time. The only thing I did not like was the last line, it just sounds a bit awkward to me. But other than that, I really enjoyed this. Sorry for the long comment about nothing but my memories, but you can bill me for the therapy. Cheers- Magnolia
i think you have a power struggle here between what works and what does not. and they are pulling each other like tug-o-war in my opinion.
what works is what you see. the imagery. the facts. the things you see and pick up on and comment on. we have all seen this should we be old enough and the picture you paing of her/you is clear and vivd and interesting and real.
so nice. one.
however you inser some rather unnecessary clichés in my opinion, the whole of the penultimate stanza; 'I want to grab and hold you/me-girl- Let you weep in my embraces- Teach you how to scream your pain out- Show you how to slay those demons-' which seeps through in to the last.
and then the way you convey your thoughts in your second stanza, you have twelve dashes which are placed almost at random but none of them actually do the job that they should. i think one line for each point with a full stop if you want them to be isolated ponts or commas if you want the stanza to run on would be far more effective.
but i like your title. and your observations. and that is all. take care in1eday.co.uk
This defiantly sounds like teenage girls.. ha.. But I'm not one of them.. But I know alot of girls like this.. Want to get drunk, smoke, and get high.. I know alot.. But thats me.. Im not a cheerleader.. Wanted to be one when I was younger.. But I still think its a cool idea.. But the reason why Im not one.. Because the cheerleaders at our school think they are all that.. they can get whatever they want when they want.. I dont know if you were like that when you were one.. but that is the way they were.. But if you were I am glad that you learned from it You seem very intelligent, and you seem to be good at poems.. So I guess you sobered up, you stopped with the drugs.. and all the stuff you were on.. I think that is pretty cool.. I mean you got your life back to it.. I know you said...
But I drive on by in silence With smile of nostalgia- And I think of all the pain that Made me who I am today.
Just out of curiosity.. Would you take any of it back.. Or did you say that because it made you stronger?
Mmm almost like me, 'cept for the cheerleading and puking up lunch part... And I don't wear lipstick... I really liked this, showing how it is to be a teenage girl from the point of veiw of someone remembering... this was really honest and true. Slinkster cool-cat awesome. Love the beginning. <3
Okay. Don't make me talk about being a teenaged boy! This is great. It takes me back (not that I was a teenaged girl, but I was sure fascinated by them). That's why it makes me laugh when people say "I wish I could be a teen again"...WHY??? It was soooooooooo painful. I mean, come on, just read the teen angst stuff. This is how they feel! And you remember. And that's a beautiful thing. And I'm sure you could relate to the "me-girl" and I'm sure she would relate to you...and then she would return to being a teen and making teen mistakes and feeling teen pain.
As for your specific teen years, it makes me sad. Some people escape it with minimal pain, and I would have thought of you to be one of them. We all knew them. The ones with the cool parents who let them do whatever they wanted, so they never did anything really wrong...always together...cool and smart...always in a good mood, all kind of friends...the anti-me! But you were not one of them and I'm sorry about that. But you survived it.
K. Nuff. Good stuff. . Always good to see the human side, the vulnerable you. Thanks for sharing.
Very nice poem you have made here ;0). I like the rhythm and the way you have placed the words in the poem. The young frustrated girl, reflected through the older version, the wake up call that never came ;0) “I drive on by in silence” leaving the girl as she is, hoping that her pain will make her strong ;0) what if she does not make it ;0)
I especially liked
Smoking joints stained pink with lipstick- While on break form cheerleading practice
And
I want to grab and hold you/me-girl- Let you weep in my embraces- Teach you how to scream your pain out- Show you how to slay those demons-
I think I'm the first person in the whole world to read and comment on your poem, which gives me great satisfaction, because its is brilliant and I love reading good stuff. It must be almost as horrible being a teenage girl as teaching them. You have captured the essence of schoolgirl (half rose petals and half catpee) with all its contradictions marvellously in this poem. Great language and imagery. Great use of contrast to highlight why teenage girls are so irrestible to young boys and so unappealing to most normal older men. You represent vitally the in language of these girls. Your choice of words is so appropriate to your subject matter. Loved it. Arthur
Submission Name: Suburban White Girl
the only part i didn't get was y one would want to disappear for a few weeks to find out y they hated themselves. would that let them see how the world woud be without them? like a wonderful world?