Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Smile of a Dead Childdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkness child
    ASL Info:    21/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 195/266/48
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 1042
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 578



    Description:
       I got hurt. Again. And I was soooo careful this time. Why am I so easily manipulated? I'm tired of getting dumped by every guy that asks me out. So fucking tired of it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmile of a Dead Childdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hurt me, so softly.
    Kill me, the dead child.
    Break me into pieces,
    And still I will smile.

    Still, I will love you.
    I can't control my heart.
    It's shattered, because you hate me,
    Betrayal ripping me apart.

    Bloody blankets will suffice,
    My weakened state of broken dreams.
    Every breath I take is ice,
    I smile, but it's not what it seems.

    Apathy is my addiction,
    Perfection is my goal.
    I smile, but only to hide,
    The darkness in my soul.




    Submitted on 2005-03-22 15:53:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Apathy is my addiction,
    Perfection is my goal.
    I smile, but only to hide,
    The darkness in my soul."

    These lines are so haunting and familiar, so real, most likely because it sounds like a description of me. Iím sorry that you feel this way, especially over a guy; they seem to make life so difficult and painful. I hope things get better and you fine someone who can make you feel as beautiful, wonderful and special as you are and that youíre still able to trust them despite the morons you had to go through to get to him. Overall the poem was great, good job. ~Obsidian Embers
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by Obsidian Embers | [ Reply to This ]
      thanx for you comment on revenge i am glad you enjoyed your poem has a place inside me for when i read it it reminded me of my grandaughters death thanx for sharing great soul read and thought
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I like this very much. Great rhymes and I loved the way you had with words. You had a great way to tell your message too. This is really good overall. My favorite part is: "Hurt me, so softly.
    Kill me, the dead child.
    Break me into pieces,
    And still I will smile."
    Which makes me think that, this doesn't only happen to people that break up or get dumped, you can even live this while being in a relationship, and I say this because of a personal experience. Only thing I can tell you is, to have some pride for yourself and protect your heart and feelings, open up slowly to people and then after some time, you can start being completely open to them. Sometimes when we give our all, we need to be sure of who the receiver is and if he deserves it. If you find that guy, feel free to open up your heart, and I'll be sure he'll treat you right.
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by April0414 | [ Reply to This ]
      These indeed is dark expression. The meat of this poem is its content. Gloom and doom reflects successfully from your words. Also confusion. " Pefection is my goal..." stands alone and out of place in this poem. Hopefully it is the title of a positive poem you are soon to write.
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      Breakups do suck ass. Sometimes even when we are careful we find ourselves face down on the ground again. But life is getting up and keep on going. Don't worry, sooner or later you will find someone. Besides, your young, think of it as...preparation.
    ~Ma
    Ps~ "Every breathe I take is ice,"
    I believe its breath. Sorry..I am such a freak when it comes to spelling! Did I say this was a good poem? Yes it was a very good poem and I liked it. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      i almost cried ...well now i am crying i know it seems pretty pathetic for me saying this but i enjoyed your poem and have had a similar experience like this

    Apathy is my addiction,
    Perfection is my goal.

    my favorite piece of your poem

    hope you have better luck
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by Lucy L. | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    51323

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry