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    dots Submission Name: Invisibility much?dots

    Author: dead,yetalive
    ASL Info:    19,female, mia FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 100/104/28
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 913
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 306

       it's not really poetry but it's how I feel, so...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInvisibility much?dots

    In a HUGE world, full of people,
    I seem to stand alone
    In places where you're known and loved
    You stand out, but you're part of a crowd
    And in places that are new to you
    You seem to disappear
    You're absolutely invisible,
    And noone even cares

    Submitted on 2005-03-22 19:30:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hm.. I'm not really sure how much I like this poem. I dislike the immaturity of the use of language, such as unnecessary capitalization in the first line of the poem. That immediate turn off may have cast me in a paradigm of dislike for this poem before I could even get to the meat of it.

    Then, I realize that there isn't much meat. It seems like a sort of whiney, not serious poem. You feel like an outcast where you're loved.. which doesn't make sense. But apparantly, it's better than going to a new place, where no one cares.

    It takes time to work into a group of people you can get to know, and feel comfortable with. Maybe if you included a stanza about these people, if they exist or not, the poem would have more meaning, and prove a point about comfort zones and such. As of now, though, I don't really see that.
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by Jakle1111 | [ Reply to This ]
      I suppose if I give a helpful or even critical comment, you won't listen, but just give me a rude answer back. Never mind. I can take it. I shall try anyway. You state in your description that" it explains the reality and the completely different worlds in which I have lived." It doesn't do anything of the sort. It says the world is big, you are alone and nobody notices you. Your only acknowledgment to poetry is to divide your sentences up into lines and give one word capital letters. Get an objective subject to write about other than "mobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going down the garden to eat worms" type of thing. Next pay attention to the techniques of poetry:choice of vocabulary, alliteration, assonance, rhythm, imagery and if you absolutely must, rhyme. When you have done the hard yards with the craftsmanship then you can more honestly claim to be a damn good poet.
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]

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