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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thorneddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: GiveMeTheGun
    ASL Info:    20/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 108/85/15
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1706
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 408



    Description:
       This is an incredibly old poem. I wrote it somewhere during July, 2003. Woo. Four years ago.

    Anyway, I thought it was smashing back then, but now it appears to be a bit awkwardly written.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThorneddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rosy red,
    pick me.
    Thorny stem,
    touch me.

    Snap off a branch,
    prick me.
    Thorn punctures,
    hurts me.

    Stinging finger,
    pinch me.
    Drink the blood,
    with me.

    Wet finger,
    lick me.
    Blood oozing,
    swiftly.

    Pull the thorn,
    from me.
    Stop the blood
    Save me.




    Submitted on 2005-03-22 21:41:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There are only so many words for 'clever' but what is the point in naming them all? Clever suits this piece in description just fine. Curiosity and the cat aside, this certainly reflects upon the temptation of we humans and the disappointment and peril that usually follows. The line breaks you chose are magnificently chosen and makes the piece that much more enjoyable.

    Damn,

    MyX
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      It made me cringe, but I'm guessing this was your intention. Some people go for that, I don't but that doesn't make it a bad poem. This was very well written and made sense and the flow was near perfect as was the concept and contrast of a flower and its thorns. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-09-30 00:00:00 | by ICONOCLAST | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with most the comments already posted ...This was a good peice ...expecially if you were 14 when writing it ...Very deep ...Strong ...and painful ...i love it ...Good job and Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      iman thas good if u rote it 2 years ago damn thas good 4 like a 13 year old years ago its not awkwardly written its smashingly grimmafied yeah i like the end where u say save me
    this poem is perfectly grimmafiedly awsome
    R.I.P
    Darkness of the Grim Draco
    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really well written. . With an interesting format and good flow. Original because I've never read this topic in quite this way before. As I read this I get the feeling of Hurt.. and needing someone to save you from that hurt.. to share the pain with you as in this line.. "Drink the blood, with me.".

    Well done.. in my opinion.

    Take Care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Not a bad "pain" piece for a 14-year-old. There were some powerful statements in a fast pace style. Not bad at all.

    The awkward feel is vulnerability.
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      It's not as bad as you make it out to be, infact I like it, I really like this, it's like, a unique way of calling out for help.Not many of us can do that.I especailly liked the 1st stanza. Great Write
    cami
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      A bit awkward, but none the less it's a good write. I like the formate...or whatever it's called. I like the 'drink the blood with me' deliciously twisted.
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by Kacela Kali | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this poem.. its very good for how young you were when you wrote it. thorns, blood, drinking blood, save me... thats content i seem to like to often...hehe.. i like the way it reads and looks also. will you please go read the poem i wrote called "this ghost II". i think you will like it. take care and thanks for the comment on my "mr brittle bones + hippie girl" it was funny... =p
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]


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