Spring Eludes Us by Magnolia

Writing

poetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

dots

dots

Online Education

Video Tutorials

<< | >>

poetry

dots

Submission Name: Spring Eludes Us dots

dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Magnolia
ASL Info:	31/ F
Elite Ratio:	6.14 - 402/377/27
Words:	267

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	387
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1813

Description:

Make the font bigger!!

Double Spacing

Back to recent posts.

dots

Spring Eludes Us dots

dots

-------------------------------------------

The earth is pregnant,
dew anytime.
Shoots and bulbs pulse
toward solar blossoms.

Everywhere I look, new life--

my best friend,
no really, I'm happy for her,
the lady next to me in the cafe
with the big, green leafy salad
and belly,
the lolita at the bus stop
yelling
at her boyfriend,
eyes swollen as her abdomen.

I'm sure I've even
seen some men set to pop--
just out of the corner of my eye though,
I look and they are gone.

The slut of a cat that lives
in the neighbor's rickety garage
is on litter #6.
I find myself waiting around
for her
wondering if it's something in the milk
I leave her.
I drink two gallons--
I am full, but not with child.

There are no buns in this oven-
yes, he is shooting blanks--
no, standing on my head after we
shag doesn't work--
and yes I believe in God,
but the saints must be backed up
because like you say
they are all working in "his time."

So yes it is spring but,
my body feels more like late autumn
and when I look around the waiting room
at this pathetic club
for the reproductively challenged,
soggy eyes and inflamed horomones
men with masculinity in question,
all sitting under a bulletin board
of smiling
twins--
triplets--
sextuplets--
a clown car of kids that are not mine--

it is hard to feel hopeful.

So for now I write.
Joining pen to paper
proves easier
than joining
sperm to egg.

Submitted on 2005-03-23 16:21:43 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This is a most difficult issue for you to write about I am sure. This is a sad situation and to say discouraging must be a 'light' word to use here. It must be so difficult when you obviously want to get pregnant and have a baby this badly and yet it doesnt happen. I noticed you wrote this some time ago, so I hope maybe your fortune has changed since then. This is very well written and honestly, quite humorous. You had me smiling throughout this write even though it is a most difficult situation, I love all of the pregnant references you make. It seems you have a lighthearted spirit in your overall outlook on this which is really great. I guess if you cant find humor in difficult times, you could be overwhelmed. This is a well written expression of a most difficult time in your life. Glad I stopped to read this. Hope things have improved in this area for you. Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Rene, I thought I would finally add a comment since it was bothering me that I added this to my fav's list without telling you why.

I really don't like explaining my reasons and I find nothing to critique in a flawlessly crafted piece such as this... which means that I don't have much to say.

I love the opening stanza... it sets the theme perfectly to me. Good pun with the due/dew reference... and 'solar blossoms' just sounds cool, ya know? Lol yea.

Were you ever a resident of England by any chance? I notice your use of the words 'slut' and 'shag' - which is very English I thought - not to say that Americans don't say it... it's just more... well-known in 'commonwealth nations', tis all.

But yea. This is a great way of talking about babies and spring etc... it just seems so... perfect.

I don't know what else to say. It's something that carries a lot of inner truth... your mind shines through in this write... like all of the others I have seen or faved.

I have come to expect nothing less than magnificence from your pen Rene (woo, feel the pressure hahaha). But really, this is just beautiful so I will shut the hell up now haha.

When will you be posting next?
And I thought you already had a kid?

Never mind, I'm just rambling - it's 9am on a Saturday morning... not exactly the best time to be writing critiques!

Hope you are well,

Jase

| Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, Im going to add my humble opinions and amazed adjectives to the incredibly long list - and say that this is one of the most poignant, beautifully written pieces Ive seen on the site...

Each image you paint is a little world; each simple statement reveals so much emotion...Its hard to imagine translating your most painful moments into such a form, and yet you do it, with a grace and elegance that awes the reader...

I sincerely pray you will soon be able to rejoice in springtime, and that it will elude you no more...

All the best,

Katia
| Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
  Just read "Spring Eludes Us" and i love it.
Now here's what i think of it. The poem's magnificence lies in the fact that it is your voice shining through in every line. The theme is deep, meaningful, and tactfully handled. Sometimes the gravity of our personal experience can scare a reader off -leaving them feeling that they are witnessing something that they shouldn't. This is where your wit and humor (and again your voice) puts the reader at ease. As if to say "its o.k. you are welcome here."
will read more soon
later, kc
| Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
  I proudly scrolled down this long list to add my humble opinion about this unique creative writing that yells a frustration of being childless one month too long...I have three adult children and the first was the hardest to make the others well they were easy lol...so keep your faith in God if this is really your situation! Again love this writing for its art and also for its content! `always poetry, Cheryl.
| Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
  Okay, Rene, you've earned my utmost respect for the comments you give to me. You deserve my fullest attention. Is this one of the ones you are more proud of? I would certainly be proud of it myself. Wit and humour combined with an ultra serious topic combine to that elusive quality of poignancy. I love the pun on dew/due. I can laugh at the futility of backed up saints and headstands. I don't think either method would be very efficacious. One, there probably isn't a god of course. Two, by several orders of credulity less, there are certain not to be saints. Three, even if there were a god, he would be unlikely to intercede for one childless couple else he would feel compelled to intercede for all. As for the headstands, vulvas, uteri and fallopian tubes are not hollow organs where liquid can freely follow the law of gravity and slosh about at will. They only expand to accommodate any object within them. Put your faith more in science and medicine. But I'm sure you didn't want me to comment on the message of your poem. You are in a sad predicament, and all of us regardless of our religion or philosophy, sympathise with you. What your poem surely must do far better than any saint or somersault is to ease your pain by expressing it. The progression from bulbs to cat to "undeserving" fecund females to yourself, is well done, drawing us onwards and taking us somewhat by surprise. You manage to string together clichés, buns in ovens, shootings blanks etc and by the very concatenation make them original and witty again. Incidentally what are "horomones"? Are they the sort of hormones or pheromones that whores exude or just a clever blend of those two aforementioned words? You write with humour, but this does not trivialize your condition. You write without self-pity which might have trivialized it. Your poem is immediately accessible and understandable which scores you full marks with me. I hate poems where the meaning is clouded by ungrammatical, obscure symbolism. Yours avoids this trap. I admire you for being able to talk about shagging in poetry. I come from a home where chickens didn't have breasts and tables didn't have legs (maybe not quite that Puritanical). Your poem amuses us, entertains us and leaves us feeling reflective. I dwell for instance on the fact that my daughter had a suspicious smear and is now 32 and childless and my son is 34 and childless after having raised his stepson until the age of 5 when he split up with his partner.
| Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  You take my cynical, critical, censorial breath away with this poem. It is on a personal theme that for you is very sad, but you handle it with humour and irony and a sense of balance. This is a beautifully crafted poem which I am so pleased to have had the opportunity to read. You might feel perhaps that a 60 yr old male, father of two childen could not empathize with you, but I do. I am feeling a withered twig on my family tree myself, because neither of my children, both in their 30's, have managed so far to produce a grandchild. This is a great poem, inspired by feeling, but moulded by the craftsmanship of the poet.
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  Ohhh! This so reminded me of the painting I just saw in Florence, The Allegory of Spring (Primavera) by Botticelli.
Each figure in the painting is "puffy" to depict the fertility of the season.
And I pain with you, but it always seems to come when you least expect it. And it always seems that so many who make the worst parents are the most likely to succeed.
Sorry about that.
I enjoyed your take on this very much,
Dave
| Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  First I must say, you have some of the best writers commenting on this poem and after reading this poem, I know they and other great writers have commented on your poetry before.

Bravo,is the first words that I thought after reading this work of written art. From your opening contrast with mother-nature both as a metaphor and a symbolic gesture to your angst having to hang out in the baby club listening to men soft ego's.

What made this work big time for me was you mixed surreal with real seamlessly.

Awesome write
| Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  i loved the openings lines and the play on "dew" and due... this reminds me a bit of the Bonnie Raitt song "Nick of Time." when you want something so much, it seems to be everywhere you look except in your own life. this is a gem, and i think that your wanting will end soon. i'll keep you and your hubby in my prayers for that. i know that you are a great mother and any child would be blessed to have you.
| Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, I think this is wonderful, René. Yes there is a definite longing here, but also there is a wry humor exhibited through your images and light-hearted word play. To balance the melancholy of this theme with the clever comic relief, takes a good measure of skill, and tells much about your acceptance of the situation. We know that come what may you will handle it because of your bouyant attitude, and the fact that you do endure the "pathetic club" visits, tells us of your strength and hopeful, proactive stance.

The humor of your observations is what I liked most , from the Earth "dew anytime" to the funny observation of the women you zoom on everywhere, -to the "slut of cat", and to the " pathetic club for the reproductively challenged". We feel your pain for sure, but you don't wallow in "poor me/ why me ?" rhetoric.

I think underlining your problem with humor thus, by contrast creates an empathy stronger than an angry or depressed perspective would.Your plaintive longing, and quiet fervent prayer comes through loud and clear, but not a trace of bitterness or self-pity. I hope your prayers are answered,-but you know too that sometimes those answers are long in coming, or are not exactly as we envisioned.

I also liked the title, and the linking of Spring and pregnancy as new beginnings, -and you keep that theme of spring eluding you to the fore,-the strong warp thread on which you weave your story.I liked also the resolution at the end, creating something new in the meantime -with pen and paper, -another new beginning.

P.S. The light of my life, my youngest son, came into my life when I was forty.
Thanks for submitting this gem
Sally
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  I love how you've managed to tie every thought directly to the theme of your poem... It's a very creative take on it and leaves me with a half smile since it's so sad on the other hand. You seem resigned to the fact that it is not yet your time... and during the waiting you might as well have a few lighthearted takes on it... Very endearing poem! I'm sure your time will come but only when everything is ready for it to happen... you'll see.
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really sad. I know how it is for people to want children and not be able to have them. My brother's wife can't have kids, and my evil family is always saying things like "Well, Amy is your only chance for grandkids" to my mom. It's mean to my mom, me, and (especially) my sis-in-law because they say that when she's around. I'm a spinster to them. I'm one of the few people with whom I went to school without any kids, and it hurts, but I want my kids to be born into something resembling a stable home. Anyway, enough about my little world.

I'm not sure about "The earth is pregnant,
dew anytime." I can't decide if that's a pun or if you mean "due anytime." You also don't need the apostrphe at the end of cafe. You do need one in neighbors since it is possessive.

So yes it is spring but,
my body feels more like late autumn
and when I look around the waiting room
at this pathetic club
for the reproductively challenged,

That is so sad. Aw, never give up hope. Anyway, lots of hugs and sweets, Amy
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  ,mags mags i dont know why I didnt get to this sooner but anyway I think it's almost more of a prose [i think] mbut you had some really good things in here
eyes swollen as her abdomen.
[that was good]
it almost seems like the first stanza doesn't even belong in this piece cause after that ytou go off aqnd the 1st is kust so ...so..so poem-e
kno waht I mean? anyway I like when you write like your going off on a tangent of fgeelings- just let it flow -I like that it makes me FEEL FREE!- JOIN ME Mags I'll stand on mky head not to send sperm anjywhere but just cause it'll be a really cool headrush when I stand up so lets gooooooooooooooooooooo
LameMansTerms
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
  I am not quite sure what to say about this one. It's very sad, and I can't really relate a whole lot, obviously. I like the comparisons you give though, a lot. As far as technique, well yours is quite a bit different than mine, but interesting as always. I have nothing really good or bad to say, but I thought it was a bit different, and I like that. Not my favorite but far from bad. Keep it up.
| Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by majinkenshinamv | [ Reply to This ]
  the lolita at the bus stop, eyes as swollen as her belly
the clown car of kids

These are a couple favorites but every line seems to have a great image, this is great work, Rene'. Very true to my theory that "conflict gives us art". I'm sad for you and hubby and send my love and prayers. I think it's gonna happen soon, maybe the Divine got it all figured out? Well, we know that's not a question, it's a fact. Let us know when. If you haven't seen "geisha" I think you would really enjoy it, Cat seems to. Thanks for sharing, hope your holiday's been grand. Much love,
Nan
| Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  I was laughing while feeling sad for you at the same time. Does that make sense? I started with Lolita at the bus stop and didnt stop the rest of the way through. The slut of a cat, what a hoot. All in all though, I'm sure your time will come. Just keep letting those feelings out.
Carol
| Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I wrote a big old comment to this the other day and then my computer crashed. :( I was really sad. So this one probably won't be as long. I really love the fact that you don't sound bitter in this. I mean you sound nostaligic in this even though it must have been painful to write. I'm glad you decided to get your feelings out. Everyone I know *older adults and a few students in my school :S* it seems are pregnant. Babies are a joy and hopefully you'll be able to conceive soon. All my thoughts and prayers to you and your husband. Great piece.
-blt
| Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
  I am sad that you are not hopeful, and that you dont believe that spring will reach you.
A very dear friend of mine had tried for many years, and in many ways, to become pregnant; and it just never worked out.
Her goal at first was not just to have a child to love and raise, but to bear a child that was the sum of her and her husband. and that is a wonderful thing, to see two people blended into a new person.
But, over time, she forgot about her belly, and concentrated on the child that never could grow there, and she and her husband adopted a child, and have showered it with love and adoration; which they have recieved in return from their little one.
Because in their hearts, it is their child; whether she is the genetic sum of the two of them or not, that little girl is their little girl, and they make a wonderful family together.
I myself was adopted as a child, and it made me so very happy to see them bring their baby home, giving her a chance at a life full of love, that she may not have had otherwise.
So, I guess I see spring in a different way; a variation in climate sort of. The most important part of spring to me isnt how the eggs get hatched, but that the chicks grow strong and peck about the yard happily; as we watch life renew itself in them.

this may be completely irrelevant to your wonderful (but sad) poem,
but your words brought strong feelings and thoughts to my mind, and that's what all this has been.

pardon the rambling. :)
| Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
  at first i was cringing, thinking, "not another nature poem" (i hate those, there's only so much you can say about the subject) but thankfully this quickly became so much deeper than my feet first thought and i tripped hard over the heartache of a mother's longing. i believe every woman is a mother long before she ever is physically recognized as one by the rest of the world and Hallmark. Long before screaming banshees in the buggy are pulling out each other's hair and fighting over the same ratty toy as she pushes irately towards the car, threatening a Time Out; a natural tendency to care for others, a love for little things that begins at a tender age. i like how this was very intimate, like a conversation with a good friend over coffee, pouring about the achings of your soul.

the progression of this went from good to better to best to damn-can-a-girl-get-a-Kleenex??? my ... well, i guess for all intents and purposes he is my boyfriend (not official though) ... anyway, he'll be your young and youthful age this year and he told me recently that he wants to have kids in a few years. that bit of news weighed heavily on my shoulders as i read this. before reading i was screaming inside "god heaven help me NO i don't want to be a mother soon, i don't even know how to change diapers!" ... now i realize that it's a blessing, no matter the age, the readiness of the parents or circumstance, to bring a little life into the world. i'll be keeping you and your husband in my prayers. *hug* sorry this wasn't the best comment, i'm a little emotional now.

~Blue
| Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
  I feel for you darling. Somedays I am so overcome with the ache of my empty belly I can't breathe. Seeing mothers playing in the park with their kids makes me cry, not at the beauty of it but at what I'm missing.

I love your line "I am full, but not with child". It sums up how I feel after every meal.

It is technically flawless. Not a word out of place.

Thank you for being so candid and sharing your story. And best of luck. I hope you wont need it.
| Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, Rene, this is sooo good. From the very clever opening sentence to the irony-dripping last one, this is so damn good. The topic is rather sad, yet you make light of it and the result is a very funny piece.

K. I've read it four times now and can't find a word I would change. Are you sure you're not marysunshine in disguise? I mean, witty, smart, well-written, good feminine topic from a woman's point of view...these are trademarks of hers. If you haven't checked her out I suggest that you do.

I don't know what to say girlie. I've liked everything I've read from you, but this one is even special by the standards you've already set for yourself.

PS sorry about the biological clock ticking in your ear, but you are still plenty young enough. It will happen. In the meantime, I'm glad that you can find humor in it...I mean, cliché or not, it really is the best medicine.

Just read it again, and it's still hilarious!
| Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  yes, another fine poem. the opening was indeed unique! I had my last child at 33 and they're doing it later and later these days, so hang in there (if that's what ya really gotta do!) I love my kids and I'm glad I had them but I hated being pregnant and delivering them. All 3 were different and not pain free as I would have preferred! I think men should have kids. It would definitely change them for the better. I wish you the best of luck though. It's an agonizing thing, not being able to have a child if you really want one. beautiful poem.
| Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

dots

Login

dots

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Poetry

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.