Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fire and Smokedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SammySueYou
    ASL Info:    23/f/nm
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 90/78/30
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1169
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758



    Description:
       I wrote this poem with alot of passion....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFire and Smokedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Flesh coming undone,
    as seering fire from the burning sun.
    Decaying bone with the stench of death,
    collapsed lungs losing breath.
    Blackened tears purifying the soul,
    replacing the heart in which you stole.
    Crimson blood in a murderous lake,
    words bursting through the heart with a metaphorical stake.
    Lips sliced with a razor blade,
    blushing cheeks start to fade.
    Laughter turned a deadly silent,
    eyes that watch the world go violent.
    Screaming charcoal air,
    creating an emotional tear.
    flickering images on a screen,
    remaking the nightmares that have been seen.
    Crackling fire singing its spell,
    rising up from the bowels of hell.




    Submitted on 2005-03-23 17:19:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this peice. well I REALLY like it all up until the last two lines, I think you could have used something different, but it's still really good. my favorite lines where,
    "Blackened tears purifying the soul,
    replacing the heart in which you stole."
    I really like that line a lot. Def. going on my fav's list...
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! I really like this poem. I love your word usage and the imagry...I think I might add this to my favorites. The only thing I didnt like is that you used crimson everyone uses the word crimson in their poems. But dont worry I've made that mistake too
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by demonickitten87 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i love the words you used. and you still were able to keep the rythem going though out the whole thing. i'm really impressed not everyone can write a dark poem and it does not sound like a normal teenager help me plea cry like most 15 year olds write.
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by Heather12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Umm... sounds like a metal song. Don't know why but it seems like one. Am I right? Anyways, it is a great vivid description of what? I don't know. But that's not a bad thing. The imagery is beautifully dark and it seems to be something that really touches your soul.
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by vbnz | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an awsome poem i really liked it.it is well written and has a really good flow.I liked the way you described things it seemed very dark which i like so keeep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by korn9426 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    51489

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry