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    dots Submission Name: Hiddendots

    Author: ForsakenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    6.37 - 147/73/18
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 807
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 930


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    As I look around me I see....
    people talking...laughing...
    What are they really thinking?
    Why do they hide...
    what's inside?
    I don't want to hide...
    what's inside of me.
    I don't want to become
    the person I am coming to be.
    I depise that which is my outer shell.

    Fighting to gain control...
    I fear to express my true self,
    but I wish to hide me no longer.
    I wish to hide the real me no more.
    I must change,
    I must get out...
    I must become free!!
    Can't you see...
    let me out...leave me be.

    Damn you go away!!!
    I hate you,...don't you see?
    I will break free, you just wait.
    Then I will be open to be...
    the real me that no one knows.
    I will be better than the false,
    No longer blocked...
    No longer Hidden.

    Submitted on 2005-03-24 15:07:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      so you want to change huh? maybe I can help you to become who it is that you want to be...this is good...I'm enjoying reading what you write, and the more I write the better an Idea I have for hopefull future collaborations with you
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]
      Good feeling, although you seem to tend to tell your feelings rather than showing them through your words.. Don't think I'm harping or anything, it really is well written, although the punctuation could use a little work.. Being able to show how you feel through your words rather than just telling it is a hard thing to master..
    As sin mentioned, there seems to be a problem in line ten..
    "I depise the that is my outer shell."
    If it was me, I would rephrase it as "I despise that which is my outer shell", but that's just my opinion.. Good job overall though..
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]
      Good one too. Line ten has a problem though, you will have to assess that and adjust, I'm not sure exactly what the problem is, to me it's just confusing. But good write aside from that. I like your style, you seem fresh and angst-ridden, very honest. Keep with your anger and you will keep with your true self. Be a proud angry woman as you grow, it will help you immensely, though you should know that you can't keep it all inside, as long as you are writing like this you will be psychologically healthy in my opinion. Anyway, keep up the good (honest)work, and don't let them keep you down.
    Pro self! -sin
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]

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