Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hiddendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ForsakenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    6.37 - 147/73/18
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 642
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 930



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHiddendots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I look around me I see....
    people talking...laughing...
    What are they really thinking?
    Why do they hide...
    what's inside?
    I don't want to hide...
    what's inside of me.
    I don't want to become
    the person I am coming to be.
    I depise that which is my outer shell.

    Fighting to gain control...
    I fear to express my true self,
    but I wish to hide me no longer.
    I wish to hide the real me no more.
    I must change,
    I must get out...
    I must become free!!
    Can't you see...
    let me out...leave me be.

    Damn you go away!!!
    I hate you,...don't you see?
    I will break free, you just wait.
    Then I will be open to be...
    the real me that no one knows.
    I will be better than the false,
    No longer blocked...
    No longer Hidden.




    Submitted on 2005-03-24 15:07:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      so you want to change huh? maybe I can help you to become who it is that you want to be...this is good...I'm enjoying reading what you write, and the more I write the better an Idea I have for hopefull future collaborations with you
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]
      Good feeling, although you seem to tend to tell your feelings rather than showing them through your words.. Don't think I'm harping or anything, it really is well written, although the punctuation could use a little work.. Being able to show how you feel through your words rather than just telling it is a hard thing to master..
    As sin mentioned, there seems to be a problem in line ten..
    "I depise the that is my outer shell."
    If it was me, I would rephrase it as "I despise that which is my outer shell", but that's just my opinion.. Good job overall though..
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]
      Good one too. Line ten has a problem though, you will have to assess that and adjust, I'm not sure exactly what the problem is, to me it's just confusing. But good write aside from that. I like your style, you seem fresh and angst-ridden, very honest. Keep with your anger and you will keep with your true self. Be a proud angry woman as you grow, it will help you immensely, though you should know that you can't keep it all inside, as long as you are writing like this you will be psychologically healthy in my opinion. Anyway, keep up the good (honest)work, and don't let them keep you down.
    Pro self! -sin
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    51588

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Carry written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Love written by saartha
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry