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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: you againdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.71 - 39/58/18
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 304
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 661



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyou againdots
    -------------------------------------------


    come to me, set me free
    on my knees, my hour of need
    all my desires, love’s decree
    the best of me, you'll always be

    heaven and hell may turn to dust
    time and distance, 'tween the two of us
    vacant and alone, no longer do i fear
    i'll breath and dream and have you near

    awash in you, as when love is new
    shaken by the sight of you
    even after nothing’s new
    I surrender to the void that’s you

    on you the sun would rise and set
    in you, all my needs were met
    you said you needed to be free
    and what you left, is no longer me




    Submitted on 2005-03-24 17:11:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You express your feelings well here and there is lots of emotion. I liked the part where you said you "surrender to the void that's you", because she is gone.

    The last 2 lines were sad and confirmed that you are now alone with your memories.
    "you said you needed to be free/and what you left, is no longer me"
    I enjoyed reading it .
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good; the flow was very good and so were the words you used. I really loved the last line that you used, it almost gives it a whole new meaning.
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      Very very very good write. I love the part:
    "heaven and hell may turn to dust
    time and distance,'tween the two of us
    vacant and alone, no longer do i fear
    i'll breath and dream and have you near"
    G'job!
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by brassmonkey2009 | [ Reply to This ]
      that is beautiful. i feel so weak now...like i can't write worth [censored]. keep goin...i love it. there is this great beat going i can hear a song in the words, don't change anything.
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by dark lover | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it...i added it to my favorites...i dont think you should change anything...hope to read more you write...i think you expressed yourself well
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by schemingdevil22 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great. the flow was very well
    the wording was good also. the last stanza was the beat i thought.hope to here from you.
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by theman | [ Reply to This ]



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