Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Angel in Dowdy Robesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 755



    Description:
       I love my imagination. Honour yours :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngel in Dowdy Robesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Scorned for her malformed posture,
    her potato-like features,
    muddied; ruddy.

    As fielding the paddy,
    her scrubbed, shrub-roughened, bread winners;
    bear pain and crack.

    And still she smiles
    as she endures, alongside
    the dusk and dawn of the moon.

    Eight mourning soul-splits,
    feast everyday on the love
    that her blood and sweat affords.

    Did you know there's more strength
    in that fate-twisted backbone
    than a ten thousand strong mandarin army?

    In these death-darkened times, still she shines.
    A bright star in sixteen hungry eyes,
    An angel in dowdy robes.

    Mother will provide.




    Submitted on 2005-03-25 08:01:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Greatest line: Did you know there's more strength
    in that fate-twisted backbone
    than a thousand strong madarin army? That was wonderfully beautiful. No other words to describe such the jerking emotion of someone handicapped physically but stronger than anyone. Great writing. If there were flaws, I was immune to them. I didn't care. Besides who ever said that poetry is perfect? Emotions certainly aren't black or white.
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by vbnz | [ Reply to This ]
      You have a gift for pulling out inventive images, I am partial to this because it makes your work so interesting to read. I love the image of the angel being stronger than a mandarin army. It reminds me of how we transcend the physical world and find the joy and peace that reside in our own hearts. The Master masters us and we master life. Beautiful!
    peace and love,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot. I took this to be a tribute to Mother Teresa; she's one of my favorite people ever. Alternately, I can see this being about a personification of Mother Earth. I agree that the images are VERY unique.

    her potato-like features,
    muddied; ruddy.

    As fielding the paddy,
    her scrubbed, shrub-roughened, bread winners;
    bear pain and crack.

    That's a good description of here. She did have coarse features with spotted skin and rough hands. Really, I never thought of a person looking like a potato or of calling hands bread winners, so that is really creative.

    Eight mourning soul-splits,
    feast everyday on the love
    that her blood and sweat affords.

    Ok, these "morning soul-splits" are prayers, right? Sorry, I'm not Catholic or well-versed on organized religion. That's another interesting image.

    Did you know there's more strength
    in that fate-twisted backbone
    than a ten thousand strong mandarin army?

    In these death-darkened times, still she shines.
    A bright star in sixteen hungry eyes,
    An angel in dowdy robes.

    Mother will provide.

    I like the image of her being stronger than the army. I see this odd image of her looking vaguely like the Statue of Liberty standing strong before Qin Shi Huang's terra cotta army.

    In "muddied; ruddy," I think a comma is more appropriate than a semicolon (They join closely related independent clauses or separate items in lists that would be confusing without them). I don't think you need the semicolon in "her scrubbed, shrub-roughened, bread winners;/ bear pain and crack" either.

    This is excellent work, my friend.
    | Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    51674

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    Linger written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Every..... written by jackz
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Giving written by jjd
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry