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    dots Submission Name: Luna's Story part threedots

    Author: lilghostyme
    ASL Info:    18/f/ canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 63/68/32
    Words: 470
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 626
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2596

       this is only half of part therr -.-' it was so long that I decided to break it up a little so i could put it on here. well enjoy

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLuna's Story part threedots


    It took Eden quite a bit to get the fire stoked, up but after he did warmth flooded the room. He sat on the floor at my feet, he held my hands, "Are you ready to tell me Lulu?"
    I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes forcing myself back to the day of the attack, "That day was my older sister Roseleen's nameday. Everyone in the village had come to our home for the party, because it was not only her name day it was the day she was to announce her engagement to the thatcher's son. But early in the morning the thacher disappeared...and eventually more of the men went missing....My own father was the last to go before they were found. The men were found all together.....bodies muliated, and faces distorted in fear. We took them back to the village and prepared to make the fuenural pyre, but a ten men on the blackest horses I have ever seen road in to the village. They demanded instanly that the relinquish all the female children under the age of eight winters....we had not choice but to comply...." I paused for a moment and opened my eyes looking at Eden, his eyes were fixed upon me and I knew I would now have to finish the tale, "We were loaded in to a caged cart.....but our village was small so there was only 13 of us in the cart. We were taken to an encampment, from there to Astrid Kairos's tent. They made us stand in a line youngest to oldest, and Asrid Kairos looked at us each in turn, and then she asked us a few questions. In the end the other girs were put back in the caged cart, and I was left alone with her. I was too young to be scared but too scared to be curious. She said somethings to me and and she made me eat something....I don't quite remember what it was....then I was taken back to the cart. On the ride back to teh village the other girls gave me all these supicious glances and they whispered to each other behind their hands. Everyone gathered in the village center and upon our return, and they seemed to be talking of something serious." I paused and swallowed thickly, I felt my hands trembling eventhough Eden still held them.
    "You were left alone with her....and you lived..." he seemed amazed he looked at me, "Here I'll be right back," He pushed himself up and left the room quietly closing the door, leaving me alone.
    I sat there not knowing what to do, I had never told anyone about what had happened that day....I hadn't even told Master Trysent. My hands started to shake a little more, and I started to panic.

    Submitted on 2005-03-25 08:05:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow, I really liked this segment! I was like "more, more!" hmm there is only one sentence I can really comment on:

    "My hands started to shake a little more, and I started to panic."

    it seemed a bit awkward, myabe the wording is a bit odd or something but...I don't know it didn't feel right to me.
    maybe just some rewording or something, though it could have been just me...

    anyways, awesome story! I can't wait to see how this develops! even though you didn't leave me on a cliffhanger I still wanted to read more...can't wait until the next segment!
    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by MystMaker | [ Reply to This ]

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