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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Inside Suicidal Shoesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1390
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1214



    Description:
        This when I started was something completely different but turned into what it is now. The object of this guys affection walking inside his shoes. I like the concept of this so please be nice.Thanks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInside Suicidal Shoesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    your shoes lay by the bed
    they look to be my size
    these thoughts race through my head
    temptation boils inside

    I hold them in my hands
    testing my nerve
    if I could understand
    better I could serve

    they seem to fit just right
    my eyes become your own
    my heart beats with your mind
    as I walk this path unknown

    inside your shoes
    living your life
    I met your brother
    he is actually kind of nice

    said hi to your dad
    he actually made me laugh
    your life is not that hard
    I can't see what was so bad

    I walk a little longer
    I trespass into your soul
    what I do not see
    what is hidden from your world

    and then I see myself
    walking away from you
    I smile but I don't speak
    and inside I burn right through

    pain stabs my heart
    knives are pierced into my side
    if only I had said something
    maybe even hi

    now it seems to late
    I leave your shoes back by the bed
    if I had said hello
    maybe now you wouldn't be dead




    Submitted on 2005-03-25 12:23:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      OH wow...I love this poem. Just the whole concept of it was clever and really amazing. Taking a walk in anothers shoes, and then having looked at yourself in his shoes and what he thought about you. It was a nice twist that was seriously great.

    I hold them in my hands
    testing my nerve
    if I could understand
    better I could serve

    I really loved this stanza of the poem for some reason, just how it sounded when read aloud and how it felt was amazing. Very very nice job on this...do hope to see more like this one sometime. Take care...

    --Geremy--
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by Geremy Smith | [ Reply to This ]
      oh wow... i love this. it explains in detail so many feelings and emotions that you had while "walking in another's shoes" i absolutly love this!

    mandaC
    | Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by xheartxnirvanax | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I love the flow...its a great poem of regret and guilt for not doing something before it was too late I love it...I remember when my friend killed himself I went to his house to bring his mother something and when I walked into his room it's like I could feel the depression lingering in the air...I feel guilty for not being there for him...Great Poem
    | Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by SammySueYou | [ Reply to This ]
      pretty darn good. i liked these two lines "if I could understand better/I could serve" and a lot of other stuff. i think it's cool how you say the poem tries to say how can make people feel alone - and from what i understood from your poem, loneliness kills. and i like the message of it - be nice. i liked the way you brought in his brother and dad and sorta gave him a little more depth. i just liked it. peace.
    | Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      " BON, BON, BON" THAT WAS TOTALLY AMAZING. YOU REALLY PUT BOUNTIFUL EFFORT UPON THAT POEM. IT ERESSES SUSPENCE OF POINT OF VIEW AND VERY SELF CREATIVE TALENT. AS I READ THAT POEM IT MADE ME THINK OF PASS EERIENCE OF MY " PERSONAL" DAYS. I WISH PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD COULD UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF THAT POEM BUT FACE IT , THEY NEVER WILL. DEATH SEEMS DO BE THE ANWER BUT ITS NOT. FOR ALL WE KNOW, I THINK !
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by J-IDENTITY | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this poem. i tink it truly shows what can happen with just a simple hi. i think it shows how alot of people feel left out and just sayng hi can ake thier day. it is a brilliant peice and i look forward to reading more from you.
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by trenthippie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like it a lot. I just hope that this isn't really about someone that you know. I also hope that if it is that you're not really blaming yourself because it's not your fault if you are. Some people you just can't help. I know that for a fact. I want to help two of my brothers but I know that they won't want my help even if I tried. Keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by manda_bear | [ Reply to This ]
      its is very good that is true but the only thing that i seen wrong with it was that bad should have been bed but other than that there was nothing wrong with it so just change that one thing but nothing else ok nice rite

    palin
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by palin_white | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the concept. How true it is. You have made me cry. Remembering the times I wish that I would have done just what you described. I hope everyone learns from this.
    Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by Joybell | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW i really liked it its one of the best poems i have ever read on this website i can really relate to this i've had friends who have saddly killed themselves and friends and my self who have slipped into depression and this described it really well good job
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by morbid_misery | [ Reply to This ]
      my goodness i really love this poem i love poems about suicide and this is one of my favorites yet keep up the good work i'd give this poem a 9/10
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by Lucy L. | [ Reply to This ]


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