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Thinking of maybe, and you
trailing the bottoms of decency. My brain...
Failing to lift the lids of eyes and trashcans with stenches.
Trapped; to know what I know,
what's known as factual observations,
never proven except by threat;
thus subordination of mouth,
never the mind.
There is a trickle that falls on my forehead
or to torture.
They're one in the same.
Thinking of cosmos, and you,
and what might follow. My body...
Eyes open upward to watch the flashy falling stars;
a shower of memory and light.
Sleep walks me to bed and I look to the table.
There sits your words in a jar;
| Dudette, like your flow is so groovy I could like feel the groove tingling all through me down to my shoes and oh, the flow, wow, like . . . this is so much like when you hit the water in a pool and the bubbles tingle you and you're a fish, no a snake gliding through a chlorine dream and all the swirling flow man, the flow . . . the FLOW!|
I'm alright. Just had to get that out of my system. This poem reminds me of the unopened letters you might get from a stalker or someone whose attentions are unwonted and yet not unnoticed, perhaps overwhelming. The meanings here escape me somewhat, though I am caught up in your imagery and the words of this piece, finding them pleasing and captivating. The mind struggles, but the heart feels it, here.
|| Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ] || Nice piece.. I think my favourite part is the last three lines..|
"There sits your words in a jar;
I love the imagery and wording of this part..
Your fourth line "Failing to lift the lids of eyes and trashcans with stenches." doesn't make much sense to me though..
The imagery you use throughout this is very good and puts wonderful images into my mind..
|| Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ] || I disagreee with TrueWarrior's comments about your "flow" in the beginning. Your "flow" is perfectly fine and it goes with the tone of the poem. It commands the reader to pause and think about what the author is saying. And after reading TrueWarrior's poem it seems that all he can understand is the "flow" of poetry. He has no real understanding of the other and more important aspects of poetry so I say disregard his condemnation of your flow.|
Your imagery is wonderful, as Maskannai said for the fourth line. I'm sure if I marked up this poem I would understand more fully what that line implies, but it does make sense to me. And I especially love the second stanza where you say "They're one in the same" (i to remind, to torture"), The implications of that really make good contributions to the poem.
|| Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by Ziplock006 | [ Reply to This ] |