Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: All that is leftdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 525



    Description:
       This is not a poem about necrophilia, though it might as well be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll that is leftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My broken hands only find your face in darkness
    Your smile is not required and your eyes stay unfocused
    I search your body for the answers your skin holds
    Your flesh is cold and tells me nothing
    I force myself inside, finding you hollow
    I strain my fingers reaching for your soul
    My hands remain empty and wanting
    Your heart beats soundlessly in your chest
    Your blood is pushed through your veins only by necessity
    And the dawn leaves me as barren as you




    Submitted on 2005-03-25 14:29:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There is a very simple, yet straight forward style to it. I like that each line begins with a capital letter, yet you didn't fuss too much with punctuation.

    The opening and closing lines are so impactful...

    "My broken hands only find your face in darkness
    ...
    And the dawn leaves me as barren as you"

    Your courageous exploration of the human body seems more like a search for soul.

    don't ask me,
    i wouldn't know,
    later,

    kc
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm...your style is so smooth and creamy, yet your message is so sharp and jagged. what a beautifully ill poem you have here. i'm a bit unclear on whether the other person was dead or just physically/emotionally empty towards you. i loved the part about straining your fingers inside, searching for a soul - brilliant line!
    also, the ending line was very well thought out, and it brought just enough closure to the piece without giving away a specific ending. great job, yet again.
    hugs and blue bodies,
    ~*dark_and_dreary*~
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by dark_and_dreary | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn this is good. really. i love the style subject, word usage. truely the [censored]!!!

    I've gotta say that you did an excellent job of getting your point across. seems as though talking about a relationship built on sex. or sex with no relationship? one of the two i'm not quite sure. seems as though it's written from another's perspective as the physical aspects insinuate a female. but then again i may be off on that, or the voice that this is written in. this truely made me feel [censored]ty, and i thank you for that. good write

    later
    skilless
    | Posted on 2005-04-11 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      i have no idea of which sex's point of view this was written from (was that even a real, english sentence?)but it worked. it works which ever it was. but i'd guess it was a man. well anyhow, the piece itself was beautiful. it was a well described moment between two people. the poem brought a certain feeling to me, which i cant really describe, but the image i got after reading the poem was a very strong one, too. i liked it really much. and it was original, too. well, atleast i havent read a poem like this before. it was so...intimate. and so..close? it good have had more in it, but it works. excellent.
    | Posted on 2005-04-09 00:00:00 | by _taateli_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I do agree with BeautyWithin about the quality of your poem. It's written quite well and it has a good balance of literary devices and diction. Not too much, not too little.

    But my interpretation differs from theirs. At least about the man part. I thought it was from a woman's perspective, especially after looking at your life story. But I could be wrong.
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by Ziplock006 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very beautiful. I agree with both beautywithin and ziplock about the quality of your poem. It is deep and meaningful, and has an extra something that makes me want to read it over and over again, trying to dig out its secrets.
    That, my friend, is something very hard to do, and I commend your effort.
    While the image that beautywithin gave of a man talking to a prostitue seems like something that this could be about, it also made me think about olden times when girls were married without their own consent. Their fathers would choose their husband, whether he be old and decrepit or young and mean. They weren't given a choice in the matter if their father found the man suitable, which usually meant that the man had a lot of money.
    Bravo!
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    51722

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry