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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nothing Heredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Xsiv
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 18/20/5
    Words: 386
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 208
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2206



    Description:
       I wrote this poem for a special friend that died 2 yeras ago. I'm still having a difficult time accepting his death. Have you ever met someone that you KNOW was very special and you just wanted everyone you know to be able to "experience" that person? This was Justin and I wish everyone that reads this could have had the opportunity to meet him. Its not that great of a poem logistically but, its all I could think of at the time the moment struck me. Your comments are welcomed.


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    dotsNothing Heredots
    -------------------------------------------


    You left nothing here when you died.

    So much you cared about everyone whose lives felt your golden touch.

    You left nothing here when you died.

    I think of you and miss you so much.

    Your sweet smile. The way you held a baby. Your always positive mood. How you forgave the “bad” in a person and only looked for their good.

    Your head always held high. And, that great laugh that felt so good to hear. I can’t think about you at all without wanting you here.

    You left nothing here when you died.

    I get angry that God took you away. When I knew He had called you home, I prayed and begged Him to let you stay.

    You left nothing here when you died.

    All your talent, art, and wisdom slowly lost all its grounded power. I was told that you never stopped caring about everyone else. Even down to your last hour.

    You left nothing here when you died.

    I should have never out lived someone like you. I stand here now with your heart in my hand not knowing quite what to do.

    You left nothing here when you died.

    I asked God “What’s the point of it all?” We are born and live and die. Do our contributions mean nothing at all?

    You left nothing here when you died.

    There are so many people I wanted you to know. Trevor is almost 11 years old now. He so special like you and continues to love and grow.

    You left nothing here when you died.

    Why can’t I find closure and accept that you’re not here anymore? When you left us all behind you closed and locked the door.

    You left nothing here when you died.

    I miss you Justin and wish that you could be here. Selfless about yourself, I know you’d shush me and tell me not to shed another tear.

    You left nothing here when you died.

    I guess you did leave something that lasts longer than anything temporary. You left me with the good thoughts of you and your memory.

    Dedicated to my young friend Justin who left this world far before his time…




    Submitted on 2005-03-26 18:26:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      one cannot critique anything as personal as this. i'm glad that by the end you realize that he did leave something behind. he left you the memories of who he was as a person. he left you with the realization that your life is richer for having known him. that is a beautiful thing. he will always be with you, in your heart and soul. i am very sorry for your loss. thank you for sharing Justin with us.

    ~Shalom
    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      A comment on the comments - well yes, the poem is perhaps a little contrived, but frequently the most personal poetry is that which the reader likes least. If writing the poem was a kind of closure for you, that's good. The structure of the poem is suitable to the subject matter, and the repetition is poignant...I agree that some of the phrases used are a little clichéd - for someone so special, could you truly not think of something better than 'golden touch'? Though your grief is clear, and very touching, perhaps it is a pity that the reader gains little sense of your friend's personality, so that we can sympathise more with you.
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by Xaphy | [ Reply to This ]
      I hate to say anything bad about your pain, but this poem seems fairly contrived. It's not even so much a poem as an attempt to say everything you wanted to say about your friend with a few rhymes thrown in and a repetition of a phrase.

    It is touching that you would spend this amount of time writing about your friend, though. Just next time write from your heart instead of from your head.
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by DeadGod | [ Reply to This ]
      the repitition of the phrase
    You left nothing here when you died.
    is very heart breaking and.. ugh can't think of the word. almost like a painfull mockery of this person's supposed mentality? something along those lines, but it made a good point mixed in with what he did leave behind. dealing with someones death is very hard. i hope you find closure with this situation. there's not really much else i can say on that aspect of the piece.

    It doesn't feel all that original but i understand how such harsh real life situations don't leave us much oppurtunity to be creative.

    i appreciate the honesty and the sincerity in this piece. that is a key part to any writing that is important and deep in my opinion.

    later
    skilless
    | Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]



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