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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Potentialdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Stwcjj
    ASL Info:    27/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    5.69 - 327/149/13
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1138
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 339



    Description:
       Looking for any type of feedback.


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    dotsPotentialdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As the sun retreats to her soft slumber,
    Escorted by red and violet remnants of our perfect day,
    Skylarking sparks come forth to decorate the night.
    We watch together, miles apart,
    Searching for a smile not seen, for eyes not met.
    Holding hands together in our minds,
    Waiting for
    Potential.




    Submitted on 2005-03-27 07:55:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem. It definitely has a true sense of longing throughout the read. It speaks of two people who love each other and want desperately to be able to share these moments together in person, to be able to look into each other's eyes and and melt into each other's smile. I like how you have described the sunset here in two lines in the beginning of the poem. Very nicely done. I also like how you tie the title in to show its significance to the poem at the end. "Holding hands together in our minds" is such a romantic line! I think this is lovely and perfect just the way it is. Nicely done. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      this speaks well to two people who are separated by distance but see the same night sky and can hold each other's hand in their minds.. i've experienced this with a lover and it's a wonderful thing, and the looking forward and longing for that potential that you know is there for this love to bloom even at this distance and what will come when united physically. well done!
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very well worded and paints a glorious picture in "1z" mind. I like that you are able to capture the reader yet you simply state the beauty and "Potential"...leaving us 2 wonder, what iz meant 2 B! Love, Peace, Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really nice! I get a pleasant, calm feeling as I read it. It's well written, with vivid images. I can almost "see" and "feel" the essence of all that you described here. The sun set, the stars... the feeling of a love somewhere enjoying this same beautiful scene.
    I love this line:
    "Holding hands together in our minds,"
    The entire poem is lovely.

    Take Care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sweet. makes me think of long distance love. you want to be together to see where the relationship could really go but are unable to. so you are together in your minds create a beautiful thing and waiting for the reality to catch up. this was written very well and relates to a similiar situation i am in.

    Jen
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this, it feels like shiny new love, all mystery and anticipation. I really like the line Skylarking sparks.....
    and then
    We watch together, miles apart. Beautiful, haunting lines, and a complete story in a semi short poem.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      You know, ever since I was about 14, I hated the word 'potential' with a passion. It was repeated to me on every possible occasion, and with such frequency, that I eventually became allergic to it. Was pretty sure it was not going to drastically change, too...

    Until now.

    This is really evocative...full of longing and wishing, of desire and soul...just like a moment of thought...a fleeting wish to share a moment (or a lifetime) with someone else, someone you may have met in the wonderous virtual world - or not yet met at all.

    Very nicely done

    All the best,

    Katia
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]


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