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    dots Submission Name: skindots

    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1294
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 521


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    Once youthful and elastic, now
    Hardened by the effects
    The radiation of drunken nights
    Skin that you got under
    Hide tanned from cynical exposure
    And vulnerable to this diseased world
    The result of the cancer
    That was you
    Repulsing to the touch of another lover
    I'm not whole any longer
    Nor will I ever be
    Oh sure that gaping wound
    Is closed by now
    But it's not like you can't see the scar

    Submitted on 2005-03-27 11:52:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting. Only one suggestion here for the second line. I would replace "hardened" with "wrinkled". Seems to work better, keeping more with the theme but just my opinion. Otherwise, a great expression of pain.
    | Posted on 2016-07-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
    I expected something sexy or lubricious, & what I got was a welcome surprise. An excellent poem about someone scarred & hurting. Great visual words to portray worn, spent & broken in. So refreshingly novel compared to whiny newbie stuff. Poems like yours that prick up my antennae & juice my brain are always welcome!
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]

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