Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: skindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1190
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 521



    Description:
       hummmm?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsskindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once youthful and elastic, now
    Hardened by the effects
    The radiation of drunken nights
    Skin that you got under
    Hide tanned from cynical exposure
    Paper-thin
    And vulnerable to this diseased world
    The result of the cancer
    That was you
    Repulsing to the touch of another lover
    I'm not whole any longer
    Nor will I ever be
    Oh sure that gaping wound
    Is closed by now
    But it's not like you can't see the scar




    Submitted on 2005-03-27 11:52:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting. Only one suggestion here for the second line. I would replace "hardened" with "wrinkled". Seems to work better, keeping more with the theme but just my opinion. Otherwise, a great expression of pain.
    | Posted on 2016-07-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey-
    I expected something sexy or lubricious, & what I got was a welcome surprise. An excellent poem about someone scarred & hurting. Great visual words to portray worn, spent & broken in. So refreshingly novel compared to whiny newbie stuff. Poems like yours that prick up my antennae & juice my brain are always welcome!
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    51939

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry