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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: skindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1415
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 521



    Description:
       hummmm?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsskindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once youthful and elastic, now
    Hardened by the effects
    The radiation of drunken nights
    Skin that you got under
    Hide tanned from cynical exposure
    Paper-thin
    And vulnerable to this diseased world
    The result of the cancer
    That was you
    Repulsing to the touch of another lover
    I'm not whole any longer
    Nor will I ever be
    Oh sure that gaping wound
    Is closed by now
    But it's not like you can't see the scar




    Submitted on 2005-03-27 11:52:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting. Only one suggestion here for the second line. I would replace "hardened" with "wrinkled". Seems to work better, keeping more with the theme but just my opinion. Otherwise, a great expression of pain.
    | Posted on 2016-07-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey-
    I expected something sexy or lubricious, & what I got was a welcome surprise. An excellent poem about someone scarred & hurting. Great visual words to portray worn, spent & broken in. So refreshingly novel compared to whiny newbie stuff. Poems like yours that prick up my antennae & juice my brain are always welcome!
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]


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