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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Victoriadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Emma_closes
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 88/111/44
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 555
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1100



    Description:
       Written for someone very, very dear to my heart, but also sort of about the way the last few weeks have been going.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVictoriadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Time, it moved by languidly
    The sun saw so much less of me
    The ceiling took on interest
    Somehow, within my eyes
    It became a pinnacle
    Around which I'd wrap my days
    I was content to trace the lines
    Recording them as silver rays
    As if they'd come to life
    And perhaps bear me away


    I'd watch them as the sun grew dim
    And then again, as night slipped into day
    Meticulous, unmoving
    If they could, I think they'd say
    Everything I'd hoped to
    They'd sing; Victoria! Victoria!
    Until they bade the muses; weep
    They'd tell of times I'd failed to sleep
    As night slipped into day


    They'd speak of many eyes
    I'd thought had come to watch me
    And how I failed to see them
    They'd sing; Victoria! Victoria!
    And of the days I'd wasted
    Just pretending I was there
    Within the plaster in the ceiling
    Meticulous, unmoving
    Returning my own stare




    Submitted on 2005-03-27 16:53:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I however emma don't mind the punctuation. I love to read your work. I am a bit sore that you did not let me know that you dry spell was over but...we have no obligations either. lol.. Keep it up. I will look forward to purchasing your poetry book when it is published . Young Emily...
    keep loving and living life hon.
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
      The ceiling seems to have a mind of its own. It's interesting to see the interaction between you and the ceiling. I agree with wannabe1. More punctuation would make it a little better, but it is still very good.
    "I was content to trace the lines
    Recording them as silver rays
    As if they'd come to life
    And perhaps bear me away" the best personification.
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed reading this unique poem about your ceiling. It flows smoothly throughout and is quite visual. Maybe if you added more punctuation, it would make it stand out a little better. I thought the ending was done very well with you staring at yourself.
    Good job with a new idea.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]


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