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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Walk Through Helldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Stwcjj
    ASL Info:    27/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    5.69 - 327/149/13
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1567
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 641



    Description:
       Just looking for any feedback/comments

    thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Walk Through Helldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Those who've walked through hell,
    who've been burned time and again
    by a merciless life.

    Those who've walked through hell,
    who've been held down
    by the hands of despair and broken dreams.

    Those who've walked through hell,
    who've broken free....
    Possess a strength and will others cannot

    Only
    Those who've walked through hell,
    who understand the pain
    Can truly see the happiness of life.




    Submitted on 2005-03-27 18:18:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was interesting to read. I can see where you are coming from. Been there man, and I agree with how you ended your poem. This was rather short and tothe point, well worth reading, and by far better than alot of shorts I have found on this website. Good job, I especially like the lack of over all format to this poem. makes it better to read.
    ~Rob~
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      I think most people, at sometime or other, have walked through hell...whether from our own doing or from some other happening in life. And it's true that once you've made it through it.. you really get the meaning of happiness, of what's important.
    I think the repetition could be downsized just a bit, to let the rest of the poem speak more loudly. But other than that minor detail I really liked this. The feeling and meaning is there..so that's always good.
    Nice write!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Amen 2 that 1~~~~

    Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!

    So right you are that those who make it through possess a strength unrivaled.

    This piece was a nice walk through hell reminding us to keep on, keepin on because without the darkness the light wouldn't be so bright!

    Love, Peace,Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi, this reminds me of a haiku I wrote:

    Only in darkness
    Can you understand the light
    Wait...the sun will come

    It's appealing, but a bit recrimonatory, those who haven't had it bad can't be blamed for others' misfortunes, only for not trying to help!

    I think you lost the plot (only slightly) here, but only my opinion, once again, you made me have to think, and I say thank you,
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this poem definitely had someth extra. It has nice imagery that consistently hammers home your message. The message is great too, that one needs to have felt pain to appreciate happiness. Noticed something wrong with "Possess a strength and will others cannot." Perhaps it ought to read [have not]. I also wasn't sure about the "Only" sticking out on its lonesome. It seemed like it could just as easily have started the next verse without detracting from any contribution its singular position may have provided. All in all this poem reads well, it's tight, succinct and to the poem witout neglecting its poetry. Well done!
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by razmohin2 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate! Great write! Love the flow, wording, rhyme. You rock! Naaaah just kidding.

    Although I can relate I cannot deny the poem's intrinsic value.
    I like the repetition, it emphasizes the status of pain. It is concise clear and small, you read in a minute yet it impacts you. Actually adding it to my favorites, it is the first!
    Moreover, I see some really nice imagery in : the hands of despair and broken dreams" it gives us the sensation of someone being tossed and turned. Yet there is a great hope and strong will in the end, that we see as the poem evolves, as we see a crescendo in the tone. I actually feel the rythm speeding up to slow down again in the end.
    Good message. Hope you never walk through hell again.
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all agree with what you are saying. We have to have the rough and the smooth to know, to really know what life is. We all have our lessons to learn and to realise how lucky we are. Life is for most of us what we make of it and at times we have to sink or swim.

    Have read through most of your work. Well done I must say!

    Do you think that the harder the life the more happiness is experienced? Does it have to be to those extremes?
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by Jess | [ Reply to This ]
      i tend to agree with you here my friend. i like to say that if you find yourself in hell, just keep on moving and don't look at the scenery. i had a little trouble with the format, with the periods at the end of each strophe.. perhaps commas would work better...? i'm hoping that my journeys through hell have ended, finally.
    thanks for sharing.
    !Cat
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is a strong poem. i just love it! it makes me think of my brother and all he went through with drugs and his worshiping the devil stage. it makes me really look at him and think that he is a strong man. he's learned so much from being kicked while he was down that he really does know what happiness is. great write again**

    Jen
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      well, I agree with everyone else, obviously this is a very good poem. I felt the same about that one line as well,
    Possess a strength & will others cannot
    for me it wasn't the order of strength & will, it was the way cannot sounds at the end of the line, i would want something after cannot....others cannot believe, others cannot dream of.....but that's just me.
    Also, i see what your saying at the end, the happiness of life, maybe a little more metaphor in it,
    Only those who've walked through hell, who understand the pain.....
    Can see the beauty in the rain.....
    just an example. most of us who've lived through the kind of life you so perfectly describe are able to see the happiness in life, sort of like when you live in a desert and you see the beauty, the blessing in the rain. but don't get me wrong I love this poem, it is beautiful & sad and honest and now i will read the other poem you have posted.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      I must praise you. you are a new member, and this is quite the piece to gain attention. Indeed, the only true way to understand pain is to have suffered as well, a feeling i know too well, but wish upon others in the best way possible.
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm with you all the way on that one! i know wat yer saying and i feel it too. sry to hear that you had bad times (i don't like it wen others have to endur pain) but i ges wat doesnt kill you makes you stronger and all. feh.. i just got out of a hell of my own and i was feeling great wen i got draged in again but i'm stronger this time. i dont know wat you call hell but i hope it's not as bad as mine. niways enuf of that the poem was meaningful and i dont see any spelling of gramer mistakes. its short and got your point acrossed with out going on and on.
    thnx for the good read,
    mheracai
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by Saphire Twiligh | [ Reply to This ]


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