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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Storydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: musclebound350
    ASL Info:    26/male
    Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 197/202/70
    Words: 277
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 1294
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1628



    Description:
       Say what you want. Comment however you want. It's not completely finished.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Storydots
    -------------------------------------------


    spazin out like crazy
    dont know what to do maybee

    end my life cause im crazy
    all because of one single lady

    all I wanted is to hold her
    just fuckin run me over

    then come by and do it again
    hit it in reverse and hit me again

    oh my god it's happenin again
    it's time to call a friend

    about to put my life to an end
    im like I got no friends she's like I am your friend

    what the fuck dont know what to do
    it's makin me sick I'm gonna puke

    check it out here's some insight
    all I wanted in life is a beautiful wife

    be with her for the rest of my life
    be with her till the day I die

    now all these people I do not know
    guess they are people I do know

    never thought to be friends
    always thought as acquaintences

    but now there tellin me they are my friends
    holy shit I guess I do got friends

    always thought I would be alone
    never got anyone to call me on the phone

    maybee this is why I feel all alone
    sit in front of the computer waitin for the phone

    hopefully the call is for me i dont know
    hope it's a friends just sayin yo

    what the fuck I know the truth now
    can a friend come over and help me out

    need to cry on a shoulder now
    damn you thought I should be boulder now

    look out gonna holla out
    fuck them I'm goin out




    Submitted on 2005-03-27 21:13:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      dude wow again with this- I'm not going to say anything bad about it I just want you to know its all going to get better-You need some assurance-you need some confidence. I feel like your slipping away and you dont care-dude dude dude dud
    lamemansterms
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Honestly, I didn't enjoy. It really just made me slightly irritated, the work in general. I think it made me feel that way due to the word use. For example, the slang and cursing. The general piece, I believe, took away from the message. The entire thing was one huge unclearness. It reminds me of unbalanced drama vs reality issues. It could be improved by simply looking at it and really looking for things that are not clear, jumpy, un-unidirectional, etc. I would have kept my lines more balanced in syllable, made it so my grammer was according to how I want the message to be read, and checked my spelling (keeping slang/cursing to a minimum). The interpretation is that a confused tough guy is questioning himself. It feels original- however.
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by RequiemOfDreams | [ Reply to This ]


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