Description: I got inspired to write this after watching a tv show callled The Office. I think my beginning and ending are a little abrupt. Maybe I need an idea about how to ease into it and end it a little better.
You have captured this very well and for everyone who has been there a smile will apear. I like your style and your finess! Keep this up and we will be standing in line at the book store to get your next best thing. If you get a chance come read some of my poems and tell me what you think? I would love to here what you have to say! Kelley Frost
I don't think the start is too abrupt, but I agree about the ending. Nicely rhymed, although the A-A-A-A verses always sound a little forced, even if they aren't. I too, love to see rhyme, I think otherwise it's prose, so well done. Maybe before the nice metaphor at the end you could put a positive verse or two, as up till then it's all about the negative things going on, so maybe something about winning the promotion in the end, or getting the key to the exec wahroom, something to round the story out. Very well thought out, I like it a lot. Be happy Graeme
It's been such a long time since I've read a poem that rhymed like this... I think alot of the people on this site aren't rhyming anymore. So this wuz nice and refreshing and I think you did a really good job with it; I'm surprised no one else has commented on it yet. I do think you should pay more attention to your lines, some of them could use an extra syllable to keep it steady flowing. Cool how you compare real life to office life... makes sense. I didn't think there wuz any abruptness. Good job