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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hello Friendsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ARCHIE
    ASL Info:    37 YOA Male in Africa
    Elite Ratio:    2.44 - 90/126/40
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 794
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 407



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHello Friendsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hello friends
    if you are there
    or did you ever really care
    did you take a seconds thought
    when you turned to me
    and fought
    did you even
    blink an eye
    when you made this hero cry
    and in the final sad account
    did you care and did it count
    what feelings hurt
    what heart you broke
    and did you even care
    you spoke?




    Submitted on 2005-03-28 07:41:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i agree with Fallen_Rose- yo pushed the ryhming at points. i like the way you expressed ur 'broken heart'
    do u consider yourself a hero? (i was a bit confused with that line)
    shot
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by michaela | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a good poem but I didn't really understand it , every line doesn't have to rhyme I think you could do better the poem as a whole didn't didn't make sense
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by Fallen_Rose22 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello friends.

    If you are there or did you(if you) ever really care did you take a seconds thought when you turned to me and fought ?

    Did you even blink an eye when you made this hero cry ?

    In the final sad account did you care and did it count what feelings (were) hurt, what heart you broke... and did you even care?

    you spoke?


    The fragmentation seems to be only because you want to rhyme each line together. It kind of sounds corny with the simple rhymes. Why do you consider yourself a hero? You talk the the person in your mind after being hurt. Could you ever ask the real person these simple questions? Maybe their reasoning wasn't so harsh.
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by ForestMaze | [ Reply to This ]


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