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    dots Submission Name: Innocentdots

    Author: Athalia
    Elite Ratio:    4.65 - 156/124/21
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 985
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 770

       written for a friend of mine.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Innocence calls to innocence
    yearning to share in kind
    grand are the dreams lost
    and found
    on the battlefield of life

    One sits surrounded
    with family and cheer
    lost in the shuffle
    but making memories so dear

    One sits alone
    on a hill looking in
    seeking all the love
    cannot see the pain

    Love was sought
    but remained unfound
    its likeness mangled
    distorted and abused

    Unrecognisable now it lurks
    despised and feared
    yet still its purity--
    seeks its home

    One looks out
    One looks in
    seeking each for each
    wondering: can innocence
    love redeem?

    Submitted on 2005-03-28 13:01:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This has enough really good bits to make it worth doing again. It's a little too abstract, I sort of had the feeling the two kids were in a "grass is greener" situation, with both of them wishing they were the other? I love "battlefield of life" a great way to describe it. I'd just give a couple of more clues, maybe from the abused child's view, what did she see in the gitl on the hill's life that was better? Overall, a good write, but a tad too cryptic, but I still liked it. Be happy, Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like it.. its notmy type of style but thats what i like about it.. great work! i disagree with fallen_angel3 i think your doesnt realy need work i like it this way....really.. good job
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by anita_89 | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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