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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rain Dropsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 388
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1373
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2238



    Description:
       This was written in 1995/96 about my first love, an on again /off again relationship, filled with too much of everything, we were crazy seperately & together and this was originally part of a letter never sent, of course it was tinkered with once i realized it was a poem and not ever going to be sent.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRain Dropsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rain on down, pour it all over me,
    Still with this acid in my eyes, I can't see.
    Hail on me, because it's the only thing I can feel,
    The only thing that pleases me and keeps me real.
    Rain Drops; Quiet little thoughts.
    Falling through the sky,
    Wind rushes by.
    Clouds gracefully stay still.
    A star falls.
    A wish is made.
    A song plays.
    Memories and lost hopes flash by,
    I think of you from across this surreal sky.
    Remember us......we were so great,
    I laugh and cry and wonder why I had to fuck up our fate.
    I feel hopeless and helpless and hurt, because you won't let me need you.
    I want to run to you and somehow make you forget my fuck ups.
    Or just make you rememeber scented baths and hot, steamy showers,
    With chains and handcuffs, candles and incense, intense, so intense....
    Oiled, playful backrubs and wonderful, perfect moments.
    Drug induced, prolonged sex...great sex....rough sex...sex that could make your fucking head spin.
    And kissing, kissing that when on for hours and felt like soft, red roses being brushed against my lips. And confessions....those long, agonizing confessions,
    In which, I'm crying and desperately trying to just be happy.....
    With my Southern Comfort, off the rocks and my medeocer mexican weed,
    Marlboro 100's and your company.
    You try to make me comfortable,
    Somehow, in someway, it changed, we changed.
    It just doesn't feel the same.
    But you were the one who gave up and I pleaded you to stay.......
    You couldn't try anymore, it brought you down to be with me, I was in your way.
    Drain away dreams in my gutters and tread through this sewer of discontent, wallow in my regret and I'll then say you've walked my long, cursed walk, in my tattered, tired shoes.
    Well, you too would loose your cool, You might jump and scream and act like a fool.
    If you knew my grief and unseen pain,
    Maybe it could be the same.
    Maybe then you would feel bad or you could just understand.




    Submitted on 2005-03-29 02:42:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow this is just packed with ...with ;lots of stuff, I loe stuff especially this stuff. I feeel you here. I almost feel like the REAL poem started at the line memories. You have a few really different rhyme things going here that I'm a bit weary about, like the parts where you rhyme 3 times -ehhh f-it -I like it , I am seeing more how this works the more I read it. I swear as of right now I have been on this page like 15 minutes. I never spend this long on someones stuff, but you know something you are really a good writer. I can honestly say I am a fan. I have only said that once before(deadndreaming) I am understanding your writes better and I feel like you are talking to me-like we were in front of each other ya know, maybe its cause we talk and stuff I dont know-wait we dont talk you know what I mean- I really am enjoying your writing so much more recently. This is a fav-one more mind blower and I do believe you deserve a good stalking
    lamemansterms

    With my Southern Comfort, off the rocks and my medeocer mexican weed,
    Marlboro 100's and your company.
    You try to make me comfortable,
    Somehow, in someway, it changed, we changed.
    It just doesn't feel the same.
    [i love this]
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, this is definatly an emotion filled poem. I liked the rain/thoughts metaphor.
    "I laugh and cry and wonder why I had to [censored] up our fate." I like the way this sounds, It's unsual to see a "curse" word that fits in so well...but it works here. After this line, you can see where this would be a letter. :)...The words were good but maybe break them up a bit (Ack I hope I'm not being too analytical :P):

    Or make you remember:
    Scented Baths
    hot steamy showers
    (i think you get the idea)

    There's so much good stuff in here you seemed to have covered so many emotions (longing in particular) I guess that's kind of how it goes (first loves I mean)...alright, now I'm rambling :P...But I like this it was very deep/powerful stuff :)
    -side note- <if you post anything on this site that's night broken in to like 3 word stanza's there are too many people who just don't have the attention span to read it :( and that's sad. I'm surprised that you didn't get more comments on this <shrug>

    good job, keep writin'

    Stw
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      I can say I feel this one to the fullest. Sad and hella true this poem reminds me of my true love who I think of every hour and admitt, yes, admitt cry all the time. I'd rather die than be without her by my side. This poem is really deep and I love it, every word of it. It does make me sad though, all the pain that has to come with love. Well good write and I'll check out your others in a few. keep up the good writting.
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW... Just Wow- such a difficult think to write about and so eloquently pulled off. Even with the crass wording it fits the piece. very well done
    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont know how to comment on this one except to say that its good... I'm kind of in awe. The language used just adds more fire to it. Well done!
    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Intense, really...I must confess, I have never really gone through what you described, but I can feel it as though I had. It really sounds like a letter, the way you wrote. It's a pity you never sent it to your love. It might have changed some things, maybe... Well, I'm sure you got over that, though the first love is always the hardest to recuperate from.

    If I may make an observation, you seemed to have changed the free method of the poem/letter and slipped in a few rhymes here and there. Maybe it would sound even better if you made it more of a pattern...just a suggestion.

    drika
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]


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