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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heart's Desiredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Podenco del infierno
    ASL Info:    19/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 205/195/38
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 917
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 899



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeart's Desiredots
    -------------------------------------------


    It grows so weak,
    Getting colder each day,
    Yet pushing so strong
    For the thing it desires.
    It has been beating for so long.
    It seeks the end.
    A heart so black,
    Clouded by darkness,
    It has yet to find answers.

    This black heart belongs to me,
    One to be the twin
    To this heart full of hate.
    I, a failure, a young man,
    Dressed in black.
    Old and fresh wounds on my arms.
    Eyes darkned with the blackest black,
    Showing you all,
    My dark soul.
    Portraying what my heart desires most...
    Death.

    Look past me like a shadow.
    Pay no attention to me.
    For as my heart has one fate,
    One desire,
    It will forever seek the end.
    With its will so great,
    Nothing will get in the way,
    And shadow,
    Will disappear.




    Submitted on 2005-03-29 12:17:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey there.
    I am reading this because you have chosen it as your featured poem.
    This is a good 'specimen' for dark poetry. I thought that I could write dark poetry but could never go nearly as dark as you do.
    I will read more of your poetry and hopefully begin to give you progressively better commentary.
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by arkayye | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Your writings are sooo dark and sad! I really like the expression in this one! A black heart with only one desire to seek the end! That is really deep and powerful! It says to me that your heart is suffering and has been for a long time. You are hiding behind your darkness in hopes that you won't have to deal with anyone or open yourself up to anyone. This is well written! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      nice! you have put a lot of though into this...well so it seems. because it has no rhyme scheme to it, i think it is better heard than read. but it was understandable!
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by L.i. | [ Reply to This ]
      good job. it's calm and peaceful in an odd way that most ppl would find demented but it's not demented at all. if i can judge you by this then we think surprisingly alike. i kind of wonder wat keeps you going through it all. you did a good job making it appear on the page again.
    c ya around,
    mheracai
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Saphire Twiligh | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this way this was written, although it lacks in flow. There's no rhythem or pattern from what I can see, and that makes this piece hard to read.

    I liked the concept, and you have a good idea, and very good descriptions of this, but you need to work on it a little better.
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      good write, i really like the idea behind it and you did a great job with the wording...the only suggestion i have is that you somehow re-word the line:
    Portraying what my heart desires most
    it just seems to long for that stanza, i guess it doesn't really need to be re-worded, you could just break it up into two seperate lines...besides that this is a great peom, there's really a lot of feeling put into these words
    keep up the great work
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful poems never have to be about love to be beautiful, nor romance. this is beautiful. there is the hearts greats desire to ends its suffering. but dying would be an early way to end the pain, something here screams of something more that this heart of yours long for.

    the groupings of lines was very well done and very much so helps the development of the poem. the words are indeed haunting and cut deep enough to make me realize just how many times i've thought that way.
    ie:Look past me like a shadow.
    Pay no attention to me.
    For as my heart has one fate,
    One desire,
    It will forever seek the end."
    J
    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      dark, sad, and spooky are things i like in poetry so i like alot of this poem. but there are just parts that dont seem to flow well or read well.. i dont know.. the second stanza is amazing and i think that it kinda over powers the other stanzas. over all i think its a good write but i think just minor improvements in the first and last stanza to better fit the second can greatly amplify the poems greatness. errr take care. =p
    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]


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    52235

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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