Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The song


Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 69
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 770
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 458



Description:


The song is a person, a feeling, a thought..........still working on it.........


The song



I liked a song.
so I played it in the morning,
in my car, from the speakers
of my computer.
I lived it's notes,
danced to it's beat.
memorized it's melody.
I played it everyday, everywhere,
every moment of my existence memorized
the song.
Now, I had enough.
But it won't let me go.
The song plays over, and over
inside my head.





Submitted on 2005-03-29 12:22:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  If it's about a love, it's a great metaphor. Everything rings true, how you think about him all day, all night, everywhere, and then when it's time to let him go, you can't. I can't give any critical comments on it, because I can't find anything that I don't like, maybe just the "computer" line doesn't quite fit, a computer in a car? But that's all I'd change. I thought it was excellent! Be happy,
Graeme
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, I'd have to say my first impression is how people overplay things and then get bored of them. But, I really liked it because it goes deeper than that. I can't really explain it, but it's still really good.
Cheers,
~Sephe~
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, I'd have to say my first impression is how people overplay things and then get bored of them. But, I really liked it because it goes deeper than that. I can't really explain it, but it's still really good.
Cheers,
~Sephe~
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
  my first impression.. i thought it was something i could relate to. it's very to the point rather than just a bunch of emotions and metaphors based on sadness.
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by sum12luv | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



52238