You Are by QueenCrimson

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Submission Name: You Are dots

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Author:	QueenCrimson
ASL Info:	18/Female/Ontario, Canada
Elite Ratio:	2.98 - 39/39/17
Words:	75

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	268
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	481

Description:
My father and I have never been close. In fact, at times I wish I could hate him, but I can't. He's my father and I will always love him. '

Just recently, he really hurt my family and by doing so, I took my anger out on him by writing a poem.

You Are

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You are the corruption of my mind,
The core of my grief,
And the blood that clots my veins.

You are the headache that steals my nights,
The insomnia that invades my dreams,
And the pain that I endure.

You are my respirator;
The support of my life,
And the consumer of my weaknesses.

You are my warrior;
The fighter of my demons,
And my shoulder to lean on.

Submitted on 2005-03-29 15:16:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  hmm...i really really enjoyed hearing someone else write about their father...(not like its a good thing lol)
but most of the poems i have wrote and submited on here are about my father well good write
| Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by UNunderStood | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, all I can say is "wow, the beautiful contradiction!!" This piece of yours had me wondering what it was exactly that your father did...but such is the love of parents and children that It can't be washed away too easily. I felt that this was unfinished...perhaps you could've gone a little deeper in detail...describing your pain a little more powerfully...a little something to clinch the audience and have them more surprised and in awe when you finally reveal the hero that your father is to you despite everything that happened within your family.

I would definantly add a little more between stanza 3 and 4...It's short and sweet but too short...I like poems to be short and discrete but not so that it takes away from the overall meaning and envelopment of feeling. Keep working on this...you have nice talent and I hope to read more from you in the future.

----wandering
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by wanderingpoet16 | [ Reply to This ]
  You know it seems that Fathers are the ones who hurt the most.. I know how it is! I liked your poem, it expressed the feelings well without swearing! I think that's awesome. Good job.
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by Laveina | [ Reply to This ]
  As said before, the metaphors are terrific! I can really relate with not having too much of a father, believe me. I have poems about how frusturated I am with my Dad. Besides my babbling, I liked it. G'job
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by brassmonkey2009 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow really good.. I like some of your metaphors.. This piece is so original.. Its A+. Its going on my favs list.. I hope I read more of your writes. Because they are amazing. And I can relate to this one..
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by steph1011 | [ Reply to This ]

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