Rain by marigold

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Submission Name: Rain dots

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Author:	marigold
Elite Ratio:	3.08 - 182/203/89
Words:	76

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	411
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	549

Description:

Rain

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Laugh then! You wild, unfettered rain.
Your laughter thunders through the trees.
With dancing vastness none can chain,
it rings in woods and tow'rs and seas.

Laugh then! You wild, unfettered rain.
Your laughter clearer chants the dirge,
of sorrow, lamentation, pain,
than cries that from the tomb emerge.

Laugh then! You wild, unfettered rain.
Deafen our numb, unhearing ears,
laugh so the world be not in vain,
your laughter flows like saddest tears.

Submitted on 2005-03-29 16:09:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I think this piece is original caue its vocab but I dont real know what it means realy but u do so thats all that maters. but I liked the diffrent formation of paregraphs.
| Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I have to agree with previous comments, totally original. I really like the repition of the first line, it gives it some depth without over using it.

Good job...

Rain
| Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there. My better half *grins* (littleshuford) said you were a poet well worth the read and he was very correct.

I have to wholeheartedly agree with cuddledumplin on the fact that the style of this piece is very much like that of Emily Dickinson. I adore that though. Dickinson had such a way of lacing words together and making them so effective. Much more so than many writer's today. This piece is very strong. I like the personification of rain. I like the repetition of the first line as an effective way to get the point across. I'm not usually such a fan of repetition but it works so well in this piece. I also like the repetition of the word laughter. As well as some of the other tone enhancing words you chose. I feel that the tone is darker and increases in darkness with each stanza.

This was such a pleasure to read. Great work. Much love to ya. :-)
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
  This sounds almost like Dickinson. Throw in a bunch of dashes and some odd capitalization, and it'll be even moreso (kidding). I like how the poem started out sounding happy, but you turned that around in the second stanza.

Laugh then! You wild, unfettered rain.
Your laughter clearer chants the dirge,
of sorrow, lamentation, pain,
than cries that from the tomb emerge.

I like when something toys with a reader's expectations, so I like that.
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it, however we can all improve. I liked how you used repetition for your 1st lines. The thing that I liked most about this poem is that you used lots of adjectives, I think adjectives make poems a lot better to feel more imagery. Overall, you did good but like I said we ALL can improve in our writing!
-Country_Poet247-
P.S.-Keep Writing!
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by country_poet247 | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked the way this was put together it was defenetly very original, and I could hear your chants through out the poem.
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by lost and alone | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought it was very original and had a creative tone. You put good effort upon it and expressed your details but I did'nt understand the main point of the poem but still kind of good.
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by J-IDENTITY | [ Reply to This ]
  That was awesome! and inspiring! i really loved this one! Great work! I liked the part where you talked about numbing our ears with the rains laughter, it had a double meaning there to me. Great writing, I enjoyed the vocab on here, it gave an appealing beginning! I'm goin' to add this to my faves! Keep writing!

**I.N.D.E.L.I.B.L.E._I.N.K.**
| Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]

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