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    dots Submission Name: When Worlds Collidedots

    Author: Dipsomniac
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 59/70/18
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 681
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 650


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    dotsWhen Worlds Collidedots

    Slowing down to almost nothing
    A small spot of infinite calm
    Where trembling hands are quieted
    And stars tremble when worlds collide

    When waves come down crushing
    Silencing the beating hearts
    And the stillness is broken
    Shattering heavens when worlds collide

    The sky comes raining down
    And bitter showers turn to bitter blue
    Reach up to cup the sky
    Blue is all when worlds collide

    A stream of flame, a darkened sky
    A life so fast pass me by
    But always a phantom by my side
    Carrying whats left when worlds collide

    Submitted on 2005-03-29 18:19:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice piece. Moves well through to the conclusion. Nice imagery and flow. My only two nits are you repeat tramble in the 1st stanza and bitter in 3rd. Other than that, a very good poem.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      A very active descriptive emotion packed poem concluding time and time again with "when worlds collide'. The most important part is when word collides and this piece leads to somewhere I have yet to reach. Is it me? Maybe. ~always with love Cheryl~
    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      what a novel idea,holding such beauty and reverance. i have read many different things and this comes with such an ease and truth. it could very well calm the wild beast. well done and it left me in awe! if you ever feel in the mood for something dark... look up some of my newer stuff. good luck to you.
    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      and bitter showers turn to bitter blue

    i think that you should take out one of the bitters, repetition in the same line never really works, it takes away from a poem more than it gives.

    also your poem is mostly about the sky and earth, maybe play up more of the water, maybe volcanoes, because the title states when WORLDS collide, i think that you should add a little bit more to it, you have got a great beginning here. also the part with the stars that is very good, maybe use that more and the sun maybe like melting junk, use more than the sky.
    my favorite line is when waves comedown rushing silencingthe beating hearts
    i think that line is very powerful.
    this made me think of the apocolypse.

    | Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]

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