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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Amber Leedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 330
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1339
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1806



    Description:
       Written In 2002 about a very bad dream.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAmber Leedots
    -------------------------------------------


    One night I came upon a girl, she was laying naked by the river bed,
    I hope you understand this image was only in my head.
    She had mud soaked, blond hair,
    And a glassy dead stare.
    Pasty, white flesh,
    Rust colored blood, pooled & drying between her bare breasts.
    She had an innocent, child like, makeup free face,
    And a deep slash along her neck from where her blood had been drained.
    That face, maybe she's about 15, such an age to die, to be stuck in that age of belief,
    On the verge of too young and almost there, just between.
    Sweet...Murdered..Amber Lee......
    How I Dream Of Thee.
    She had three broken fingernails, they were pulled all the way back to the quick,
    I'm scared to believe, these images of her, in my mind they will forever stick.
    Her body's gone laying naked and cold,
    Unseen and Unknown.
    Her once healthy red lips have changed to a deep, sad color of blue,
    She's gone now, she's dead and rotting because of you.
    Oh yes...I see you too, the killer that just walks away,
    You should be careful....for someday very soon, you could become someone else's prey.
    Her innocent face will always be tattooed on my brain,
    And don't ever forget, yours' is too, just the same.
    You see, I recently made a promise to the girl who's name I hear at night,
    That I would search for both of you and somehow, try to make it right.
    Only I know what you did to her by the bed of the river,
    I must return the girl to her mother and to you, deaths door I must deliver.
    Sweet...Sweet, Murdered..Amber Lee..
    How I Dream of Thee.




    Submitted on 2005-03-30 03:13:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      I've stated herein before that I believe that most poetry comes out of dreams, and here is a good example. Although a lot of people will be put off by the dark nature of the story, it does promise justice to the killer as well as putting Amber back with her mother, a form of "salvation" perhaps? That I enjoyed, a happy ending.

    I especially like the sense of power taken towards the end. This would turn what would otherwise be nothing but a nightmare, into something you are controlling. Sweet dreams!

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so good! The imagery was fantastic! The title first made me think of Poe's Annabel Lee, and the poem did a bit too. Great job!
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      ok hears one that i wouldn't change at all i love every thing about this . theres is only one thing though i wish it was a bit longer . this would be a good short story . and the name amber lee it reminds me of my favorite poet Edar Allen Poe .
    | Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by DonKB | [ Reply to This ]
      HEY NOW THAT'S DAMN GOOD. i DON'T KNOW HOW i MISSED THIS UNTILL NOW BUT i'M GLAD YOU BROUGHT MY ATTENTION TO IT. iT'SA VERY POWERFULL STORY/DREAM AND WELL PUT TOGETYHER. eVEN THOUGH the rhyming is simple it also works here. Almost like a nievity to the whole thing, I especially like this:

    You see, I recently made a promise to the girl who's name I hear at night,
    That I would search for both of you and somehow, try to make it right.
    Only I know what you did to her by the bed of the river,
    I must return the girl to her mother and to you, deaths door I must deliver-
    this is the best from you I have read -your approaching stalker status-which to me means you are able to keep my attention-basically through the entire story or poem or whatever anyway-one more good one and then you graduate at least in my book[lol] what book is that?
    lamemansterms
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      heyoooo...Powerful dream there. Made me shiver in the image of poor Amber Lee. I've never read Edgar Allen Poe's poem that everyone is mentioning, so I'm a bit confused if you did use it as a model for writing this out. I'm guessing you probably did, hehe...but, correct me if i'm wrong.

    The way you capitalized the words in certain phrases there made a powerful impact. Hm, a lil' suggestion here:

    [...]You should be careful...for someday very soon, you will (or shall) become someone else's prey. [...] >> I think you could change that there, 'cause you started making it quite clear what is going to happen and then you made it a bit doubtful with the "could"

    [...]yours' is too, just the same [...] >> typo there...don't need that apostrophe.

    ai ai, I'm a pain, forgive me. But I did love it! Especially the end, how you set it upon your own shoulders to solve this mystery and take justice into your own hands. I wonder what this dream meant, if it had any meaning. Did you try remembering where it might have come from? Like, I usually dream about bits of movies I watch or maybe something that happened but I didn't really notice and then it pops up in my dreams. Well, anything like that could have happened. I'm just glad you shared it with us!

    thaaank you for the read!

    :*drika
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      Very vivid. You painted that picture that some readers really want to see and that they don't want to build on their own. I like your choice of words and the picture that you painted. there's this tone in your piece that i can't quite explained. somewhere between sympathy, anger, and sadness.
    | Posted on 2005-04-10 00:00:00 | by smiling death | [ Reply to This ]
      I had such a vulgar mental picture, it was very well described. Very very sad though, I hate dreams, you should read "Waking Up" it explains my philosophy on dreams in the description. I hate to say that I liked it because it's so upsetting but you wrote well, your rhythm got a little shakey towards the end, just a few syllables short of perfection, good job and I hope you dream something wonderful to overtake this memory. God Bless
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      good dark story there. could be something more you don't understand yet. a message. if you have'nt got the meanning of it yet it won't be much longer till you do. I have wierd dreams all the time and within five to seven years [censored] happens and the puzzel all comes togeather. spiritual person i assume? read any wicca lately. if not look into it and you'll understand your dreams better. not that you don't already, but be carefull when you open your mind i've seen and felt some crazy [censored]. the outskirts of fresno on a road leading to pineflat lake there is a tall hill coverd with trees, not just trees but everything so you can't even see the ground at all. the only hill covered with that much greenery. well at night some scary things can happen around there. theres an old indian barrial site beond the hill, me and my girlfriend at the time were there parked on the side of the road. the car was off and the windows were all down, so we could hear the sounds around us in the vast darkness. she was leanning over me at the time and talking when i got a dark shadow visioned in the corner of my eye, you know when you get the chills and you arm hairs stand up? well times that by a million and all over your body at once. i jumped up with a scared wonder in my face and asked her, did you feel what i feel? she said yah lets get the [censored] out of here, i halled down that road. i felt it all the way down intell we hit the first stop sign. the trees looked drained and withered as if something was pulling there energy away. it sounds crazy but i think we hit the night the witches were out. really, there are three wemon in clocks who practice witchcraft and if they see you your screwed. i dont think we were seen i think we felt the indian burryal ground spirits either being called or investegating the accurance. i've never been more frightend in my life. but any way sorry so long but i had to share that with some one who might believe it, it is true. no one goes up there who knows. good work on your poem cant wait to see some new ones.
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      You described her very well. I felt as if I was there looking at her with you. You have a very good way of describing things and I want to think this is imagary, but suddenly I'm not sure. j/k. Keep up the good work, you truly have a gift.
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Charlenee | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, you give great imagery, i am always afraid to give good image. It too reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe's Annabell Lee.
    Michelle
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by michelle8586 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this. It's such an original parody as it seems, but I agree with narcolepsy. EAP is such an incredible writer that it should be used that way, good other wise

    <33s
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by ace_in_the_hole | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very good.. i see the similarities between this poem and edgar allen poe's annabell lee. however, it gets kind of weak at the end. i think you should have broken it up into more of a pattern.. you should have likened it to the pattern of rhyming that poe did. but that's just my opinion.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by narcolepsy | [ Reply to This ]
      Very strong, and very scary, to scary for me i must say. I almost saw this girl. But it is a good write, kind of oldfashion style. This reminded me of Nick Cave's songs like "Henry Lee" and "Where The Wild Roses Grow".
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a great poem you used strong words to give a description and you put a,lot of detail into it so poeple can understand it better This must have been a horrifying dream to have but you put in word ver well
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Fallen_Rose22 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...that's about all I can say...this piece was really strong, really sad, and really angry...you captured the emotion so welll, this is wikidly good, KIO.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Siren Mengana | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice job! I especially like the imagary of the first couple of lines: "She had mud soaked blonde hair and a glassy dead stare, rust colored blood, pooled and drying between her bare breasts." Very powerful. It kind of reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe's Annabell Lee only a little more twisted :) At least that was the impression that I got. Anyways Good job :)

    Stw
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]


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