[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Die.dots

    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/I hate you
    Total Views: 1095
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 880

       ok...Uhhh...2nd line in 4th stanza.... Waht I mean by kind is the kindness in me, and happiness.....

    And in the last stanza, I'm talking to the one who hurt me and saying goodbye as I render him lifeless.

    Also, I made this up as I typed it...So don't expect too much.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Life has thrown something at me.
    What it is, I can't see.
    It broke my heart,
    Tore me apart.

    I can't figure out why.
    I can't see through his lie.
    My mind can't process this.
    I thought he was my only bliss.

    My friends told me he would cause pain.
    I shrugged the truth off in disdain.
    One of the worst mistakes I've ever made.
    Wanting to kill him with a rusty blade.

    Revenge smothers my mind.
    Rage and Hatred corrupts the kind.
    My vision becomes very unclear.
    My angry thoughts begin to sear.

    I'm sorry for this, but you must die.
    I'm pretty sure that you know why.
    Thanks for the experience you've given me.
    Unfortanately, you'll pay for it dearly.


    Submitted on 2005-03-30 13:05:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Damn! You really hate this dude huh? Don't kill him though! At least not with a rusty blade! Shoot his ass in the head or something.! LOL You drove the emotion in this one. The rhyming was simple but definitely enjoyable. Complexity can be a curse sometimes. You have written another good piece.

    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      HEYYYY you too got someone to hate??? Welcome to my world, I guess you can relate to my "Psycho Birtch" piece. Good piece my friend good piece
    your friend
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey child its been a while scince I last read something of yours and i'm sorry for that...Ok enough of that I just read this poem and it is definetly a "I hate you" type of poem lol all I got to say is that he's a guy. I'm not trying to defend him or nothing or nothing but us guys are complete idiots at times and we think it's funny(but not me i'm different). This is a great poem and I love reading it the anger is there the hate and the pain but sometimes no matter what we hear about the person we still go after the person cause in some way we feel that we can change that person or it's not going to happen to me and we get hurt in the end and we find out your friends were right all along. well thats all I got to say but I've been through the same [censored] but I didn't get mad I got even by doing kinda of an "eye for an eye" thing she cheated with one guy so I cheated with alot of other girls including her best friend, but the funny thing is that we were both cheating and we stayed together for 3 months! 1 love
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by C. Flava | [ Reply to This ]
      > Unfortanately, you'll pay for it dearly.
    "unfortunately" misspelled, but, know what? I think I'd leave it out altogether, "You'll pay for it dearly."

    > My mind can't process this.
    > I thought he was my only bliss.

    Then I wanted these lines to read like this:

    I can't process this,
    I thought he was bliss.

    But subsequent lines build and build in length, and it becomes obvious you don't intend to follow any specific meter in this piece. Okay, but I was tricked by the first stanza to kind of expect a metered rhyming piece. Your expression of emotion is blunt and straightforward in this piece. No quesiton about where you were going with it. If you wrote it for yourself, you did a great job. If it's a piece you'd like to keep in your portfolio for others to read, I'd let it be for a while, then look at it again, and do some adjusting. Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]
      ok...after anger management, i'm sure you'll be a very sweet person. pretty good , nice ryming, by the way. um...I hope you solve your problems in a constructive way(killing this loser is NOT constructive).But i definetly understand the feeling. THis was pretty good overall.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Alyra | [ Reply to This ]
      well if you just made it up as you went along then i think you have done a good job.i really enjoyed this poem and i can really relate to it.great write,keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by korn9426 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I can relate is some small way. Everyone at some time or another has thoughts (however fleeting) of doing harm to someone, for whatever reason. As a poetry piece I agree with bent, you should put this away somewhere and work on it with a clearer mind. It does have great promise, and from your other work I can see you obviously have the talent.
    Your friend
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Incubus written by monad
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Bond written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Giving written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]