Damn! You really hate this dude huh? Don't kill him though! At least not with a rusty blade! Shoot his ass in the head or something.! LOL You drove the emotion in this one. The rhyming was simple but definitely enjoyable. Complexity can be a curse sometimes. You have written another good piece.
Hey child its been a while scince I last read something of yours and i'm sorry for that...Ok enough of that I just read this poem and it is definetly a "I hate you" type of poem lol all I got to say is that he's a guy. I'm not trying to defend him or nothing or nothing but us guys are complete idiots at times and we think it's funny(but not me i'm different). This is a great poem and I love reading it the anger is there the hate and the pain but sometimes no matter what we hear about the person we still go after the person cause in some way we feel that we can change that person or it's not going to happen to me and we get hurt in the end and we find out your friends were right all along. well thats all I got to say but I've been through the same [censored] but I didn't get mad I got even by doing kinda of an "eye for an eye" thing she cheated with one guy so I cheated with alot of other girls including her best friend, but the funny thing is that we were both cheating and we stayed together for 3 months! 1 love
> Unfortanately, you'll pay for it dearly. "unfortunately" misspelled, but, know what? I think I'd leave it out altogether, "You'll pay for it dearly."
> My mind can't process this. > I thought he was my only bliss.
Then I wanted these lines to read like this:
I can't process this, I thought he was bliss.
But subsequent lines build and build in length, and it becomes obvious you don't intend to follow any specific meter in this piece. Okay, but I was tricked by the first stanza to kind of expect a metered rhyming piece. Your expression of emotion is blunt and straightforward in this piece. No quesiton about where you were going with it. If you wrote it for yourself, you did a great job. If it's a piece you'd like to keep in your portfolio for others to read, I'd let it be for a while, then look at it again, and do some adjusting. Thanks for sharing! bent
ok...after anger management, i'm sure you'll be a very sweet person. pretty good , nice ryming, by the way. um...I hope you solve your problems in a constructive way(killing this loser is NOT constructive).But i definetly understand the feeling. THis was pretty good overall.
I think I can relate is some small way. Everyone at some time or another has thoughts (however fleeting) of doing harm to someone, for whatever reason. As a poetry piece I agree with bent, you should put this away somewhere and work on it with a clearer mind. It does have great promise, and from your other work I can see you obviously have the talent. Your friend Ben