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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Die.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/I hate you
    Total Views: 1004
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 880



    Description:
       ok...Uhhh...2nd line in 4th stanza.... Waht I mean by kind is the kindness in me, and happiness.....

    And in the last stanza, I'm talking to the one who hurt me and saying goodbye as I render him lifeless.

    Also, I made this up as I typed it...So don't expect too much.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDie.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Life has thrown something at me.
    What it is, I can't see.
    It broke my heart,
    Tore me apart.

    I can't figure out why.
    I can't see through his lie.
    My mind can't process this.
    I thought he was my only bliss.

    My friends told me he would cause pain.
    I shrugged the truth off in disdain.
    One of the worst mistakes I've ever made.
    Wanting to kill him with a rusty blade.

    Revenge smothers my mind.
    Rage and Hatred corrupts the kind.
    My vision becomes very unclear.
    My angry thoughts begin to sear.

    I'm sorry for this, but you must die.
    I'm pretty sure that you know why.
    Thanks for the experience you've given me.
    Unfortanately, you'll pay for it dearly.

    Goodbye.




    Submitted on 2005-03-30 13:05:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Damn! You really hate this dude huh? Don't kill him though! At least not with a rusty blade! Shoot his ass in the head or something.! LOL You drove the emotion in this one. The rhyming was simple but definitely enjoyable. Complexity can be a curse sometimes. You have written another good piece.


    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      HEYYYY you too got someone to hate??? Welcome to my world, I guess you can relate to my "Psycho Birtch" piece. Good piece my friend good piece
    your friend
    ben
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey child its been a while scince I last read something of yours and i'm sorry for that...Ok enough of that I just read this poem and it is definetly a "I hate you" type of poem lol all I got to say is that he's a guy. I'm not trying to defend him or nothing or nothing but us guys are complete idiots at times and we think it's funny(but not me i'm different). This is a great poem and I love reading it the anger is there the hate and the pain but sometimes no matter what we hear about the person we still go after the person cause in some way we feel that we can change that person or it's not going to happen to me and we get hurt in the end and we find out your friends were right all along. well thats all I got to say but I've been through the same [censored] but I didn't get mad I got even by doing kinda of an "eye for an eye" thing she cheated with one guy so I cheated with alot of other girls including her best friend, but the funny thing is that we were both cheating and we stayed together for 3 months! 1 love
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by C. Flava | [ Reply to This ]
      > Unfortanately, you'll pay for it dearly.
    "unfortunately" misspelled, but, know what? I think I'd leave it out altogether, "You'll pay for it dearly."

    > My mind can't process this.
    > I thought he was my only bliss.

    Then I wanted these lines to read like this:

    I can't process this,
    I thought he was bliss.

    But subsequent lines build and build in length, and it becomes obvious you don't intend to follow any specific meter in this piece. Okay, but I was tricked by the first stanza to kind of expect a metered rhyming piece. Your expression of emotion is blunt and straightforward in this piece. No quesiton about where you were going with it. If you wrote it for yourself, you did a great job. If it's a piece you'd like to keep in your portfolio for others to read, I'd let it be for a while, then look at it again, and do some adjusting. Thanks for sharing!
    bent
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]
      ok...after anger management, i'm sure you'll be a very sweet person. pretty good , nice ryming, by the way. um...I hope you solve your problems in a constructive way(killing this loser is NOT constructive).But i definetly understand the feeling. THis was pretty good overall.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Alyra | [ Reply to This ]
      well if you just made it up as you went along then i think you have done a good job.i really enjoyed this poem and i can really relate to it.great write,keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by korn9426 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I can relate is some small way. Everyone at some time or another has thoughts (however fleeting) of doing harm to someone, for whatever reason. As a poetry piece I agree with bent, you should put this away somewhere and work on it with a clearer mind. It does have great promise, and from your other work I can see you obviously have the talent.
    Your friend
    Ben
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]


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