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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 779
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 831



    Description:
       This was just...I don't know I feel this...someone help me, can you tell me what you see?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I think of nonexistant feelings
    complete happiness and never changeing
    then I think of you
    and how impossible I feel

    My nervous nature keeps me locked up
    in this room where no one can get to me
    did you know that I am capable of love as well
    did you know that I cry...head above water but still somehow drowning
    numb and dying but so fucking alive

    I wish I could just have one normal feeling
    or is this normal to feel like this
    I fear it is
    I fear no one is happy

    I think of nonexistant feelings
    those like me that are to numb to care
    my head is stupid and I wish it were gone
    my thoughts should fly away
    I hate this
    I fear happiness is an illusion
    and I chase these dreams




    Submitted on 2005-03-30 13:42:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Despite the one comment i say keep the"censored" part in, screw censorship, there's too much as it is. As far as what you're feeling, sorry to it is normal, and if it's not i'm even more screwed than i was before. Not bad, i see much potential in you, keep writing and exploit that which is yours to give
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. If I were you I would try to enter your poems into a contest. I've done that and now I have two people wanting to publish the same exact poem. JMW publishing and famous poets are the two companies that want to publish me. Try it and see what happens. I'm sure they'll like your writing.
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by manda_bear | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem. The line "did you know that I cry...head above water but still somehow drowning" I kinda know how you feel. My only suggestion is that you take out the "[censored]" The poem has a really good, serious feel, than it gets to that word and it distracts the reader. It completely changes the feeling to angry teen angst. Then it goes back to the origional feel. It is distracting and it upsets the feeling.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]


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