[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 802
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 831

       This was just...I don't know I feel this...someone help me, can you tell me what you see?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I think of nonexistant feelings
    complete happiness and never changeing
    then I think of you
    and how impossible I feel

    My nervous nature keeps me locked up
    in this room where no one can get to me
    did you know that I am capable of love as well
    did you know that I cry...head above water but still somehow drowning
    numb and dying but so fucking alive

    I wish I could just have one normal feeling
    or is this normal to feel like this
    I fear it is
    I fear no one is happy

    I think of nonexistant feelings
    those like me that are to numb to care
    my head is stupid and I wish it were gone
    my thoughts should fly away
    I hate this
    I fear happiness is an illusion
    and I chase these dreams

    Submitted on 2005-03-30 13:42:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Despite the one comment i say keep the"censored" part in, screw censorship, there's too much as it is. As far as what you're feeling, sorry to it is normal, and if it's not i'm even more screwed than i was before. Not bad, i see much potential in you, keep writing and exploit that which is yours to give
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. If I were you I would try to enter your poems into a contest. I've done that and now I have two people wanting to publish the same exact poem. JMW publishing and famous poets are the two companies that want to publish me. Try it and see what happens. I'm sure they'll like your writing.
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by manda_bear | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem. The line "did you know that I cry...head above water but still somehow drowning" I kinda know how you feel. My only suggestion is that you take out the "[censored]" The poem has a really good, serious feel, than it gets to that word and it distracts the reader. It completely changes the feeling to angry teen angst. Then it goes back to the origional feel. It is distracting and it upsets the feeling.
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    The Promise written by annie0888
    To written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]