Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Chicool2
ASL Info:    17/f/Pennsylvania
Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 266 /260 /60
Words: 212
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1169
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1268


*Rem> the kissing thing was made up
*Some of you know the truth* Sorry that I can't specify and that my poems are so vague...


Could you stop for a minute
And explain what this was?

Was it an excuse?
Some little fling before judgment day?
Tnen why do I still feel it?
IIn the pit of my stomach.

I hate the way
You wear your hair
And how I always see your sock hanging out of your shoe
I hate the quirky smile you give
That makes me fall in a mess

I hate the way
I fell and feel for you
I guess I'm lost
And dizzy
Can't find a way out
And too afraid to face the facts.

Yet I think I love those things
As much as I want to hate them
I hate the way you kissed me
And all time stopped
And I felt as though
I was going to fall
Way too deep

Maybe I did
Because I am still stuck in that hole
I hated that kiss
Or maybe I hate how I can't have another
And I'll never have another
And how it was a lie

I hate the way
I'm crying now
Because I know the truth
And i can't tell you
Or anyone else
How I really feel
Because of how I hate the way
You are...

Submitted on 2005-03-30 17:21:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Loving something/someone you wish you could hate .. so the pain of it all would go away. I think we may have all been there at times. It's a rotten feeling. You brought that out well in this poem.
Nicely done!
| Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes, its true anyone writings or life can get quite confusing over love,sex or and intimate fantasy or desire. I have to agree with the other,its time to take a break from him, take a deep breath and let your logicial side move pass your emotions. I could easily understand your meaning being your poem,but you just writing with raw feelings without honing your poetry, hence the misunderstandings and other language problems with your last few poems.

I will gladly help you with advice on both your poems and life ?'s and You know already from the past I keep my word.
| Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  It all comes down to this. I like the meaning to the poem. I felt the same a little while back. Been there, done that. Anyways, I do have to say that you may want to think about re-writing this in a different way. I don't have any suggestions, but maybe you could come up with a way to say all these things in a different manner. I'm not say change the words. By no means do they need work, just saying change the style. it's up to you. This is your poem. I like it whether you change it or not.
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by HeavensDeceit | [ Reply to This ]
  Amy whats going on.. Seriously.. It has to be Victor... You must really like him so much.. Cuz I think you have a better way of describing yourself and other issues before he came into the picture seriously. Sometimes it happens, sometimes there is no possible way to describe it... Im Sorry, but Im not feeling this one either.. I mean your writes were so good.. I didnt even really get any flow of this...
Gosh... I think You really need to chill.. And talk to him about this.. I know its getting to you.. and its making you go crazy..

haha... And when your dreaming ask in Your DREAM what all this meant.. If you know what I am saying. You got to. Or youll have this feeling for a long time without knowing..
Hun you need to get in the DREAM and take action.. even though you DREAMS are always messed up..

Ok... Take a break from him.. Gosh take a breath...

| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked the way you are saying "hate" so often when it is patently obvious to the reader that you really mean "love" I would drop that little confession out of the middle, because the reader can figure it out for themself.
"I hated that kiss
Or maybe I hate how I can't have another"
this is almost irony! Very nicely done!
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Ha...i know what you are talking about. In some ways i can really relate to. I think you really need to work on grammer. Other than that it is good. I think you are right it is better than you other ones. I still think you can do better though. You have so much talent in you. This has a lot of emotions in it. It makes me feel sad kind of though...knowing that you are going though this. I don't want to see you hurt you are one of my best friends. Good luck with your situtation. I"m sorry but i really have no advice for you on this.
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?