Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Her Death


Author: darkness
ASL Info:    19/F/my own world
Elite Ratio:    1.84 - 524 /218 /40
Words: 129
Class/Type: Poetry /Death
Total Views: 1232
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 839



Description:


i kinda jumped subjects in this poem sooo sry bout that and i cant spell so jus ignore dat

o Gul Huda i dedicate this 2 u
cuz u inspired me 2 rite dis


Her Death



A thousand speares of death stabbed her soul
o so fiercely
The angels of death ripped her soul from her body
o so painfully
Tears bleed from her eyes
o so misribaly
Death overcame her
it was to late
to late for repentance
to late for redemtion
Alas!Her soul shall be regratful
in pain for the rest of eternity.

To all those alive
There is hope yet
hope for us
hope for mankind

We shall travel in this world doing good deeds
in HOPE
and
We shall renounce this world
in FEAR
To all the dead
may you sleep a peaceful slumber
and
To all the living
may you travel praising thy Lord
o so gratefully
and to thee a PEACEFUL ENDING




Submitted on 2005-03-30 20:02:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Wow nice againi say wow but any way this is really nice we both think alike I just wrote somthing like that a few dayz ago but I can't subit it yet it needs more fixing
| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this. I think it'd make a pretty cool song. However, I think it could use a little bit of work. There's no rhyme scheme, and there's no flow. Otherwise, it was good.
| Posted on 2005-10-07 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
  i thought this was a good write...the subject was very creative, it was well worded, and i just liked the idea behind it...the only problem i had with this write was the flow, in a couple of places the flow seemed a bit awkward; for example:
Alas!Her soul shall be regratful,in pain for the rest of eternity
that just seems like too much to be in one line...i would try something like:
Alas! Her soul shall be regretful
In pain for the rest of enternity
anyway besides a few little flow problems i thought it was very good...keep being creative
| Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
  AWSUM POEM! "GRIMMAFIED" OR WHATEVER! lol. i wrote a poem like it but it got erased...not the same but about how we should like pray now b4 its 2 late. u kno?...anyhooo i g2g...tly busy! later!
| Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by UnPerfect | [ Reply to This ]
  Lmao, I was going to write a poem JUST like this. About death. But yeah, good job. I liked the starting a lottttttttttttttt. You wouldnt mind me trying to write a poem based on the same thing, do you? I'll just try. If it isnt good, I'll just rip it up.

Yeah... woo, I liked the first stanza, hun. Gooood job, grim. Hahahahhaah
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]
  this is an okay poem. I give u points because it seems like it came from the heart. But the way it is witten is a little confusing about the message u are trying to get across. idk...maybe im just stupid :)
~LeAnna~
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



52442