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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We The Peopledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mcgovern_xiii
    ASL Info:    35/M/NewEngland
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 70/91/26
    Words: 349
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 210
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1028



    Description:
       


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    dotsWe The Peopledots
    -------------------------------------------


    We the people

    Have we become the very tyrants
    from whom we bled to be free?
    To become what we swore never to be.
    It shall repeat it self I’m told.
    You’ll be your parents when you get old.
    Yet I question a freedom oppressed
    on those that do not ask.
    So shall I make them slaves to my views?
    Force them to sit in my pews.
    Make them want my gold, here it’s yours
    if you do what you’re told.
    Have we evolved into complacent lives.
    Where all that’s left is to grow old and die.
    No, not I
    Not I
    I will not let them take my speech.
    No matter how far or deep their reach.
    So if all of this is as bad as it seems.
    I fear we are falling short,
    Short of a dream.
    mcgovern_xiii




    Submitted on 2005-03-30 20:09:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the tone of this... it feels less condemning (a tone taken by most "political writes") and more mournful. Less judgemental and more sorrowful. Like you see it, and you wish you could change it, but you can't and it saddens you, rather than angers you. I also love the ending sentiment, where you imply that you will do your part. Great job.

    As a rule, I hate political pieces, because they're often trite or clichéd, but you've done a great job avoiding both pitfalls.
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the idea you've brought about we becoming the parents therefore saying that we are repeating the same mistakes. I love you saying about slavery and how people faught to be free and bled for that. I love the idea you've started with, you expressed so much of emotions in the beginning yet all of a sudden died in the end. Seems like you run out of things to say, and this is not a topic that is so hard to run out of words with because we're dealing with it right now. I know you said in your poem "no, not I, not I" to say you don't want to go in that direction but it really seemed that you just died of words there and the end was just not as strong as the first part. It fascinated me in the beginning but i just lost that fascination after you said "no, not i , not i".
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      That is very moving.. The feelings expressed are very real, and make me think that you are maybe even writing about what we are currently doing in iraq.. In most cases I think that repeating the same thing feels redundant, but in this case saying "Not I", twice seems to solidify your position on the matter..
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]



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