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Blue Sky (Ch 1)


Author: MystMaker
Elite Ratio:    6.35 - 120 /75 /24
Words: 508
Class/Type: Story /Misc
Total Views: 1460
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Description:


alright, here I go writing the story I have been thinking about for a LONG time. I don't really like how it started but I've got bunches of little suprises I cant wait to start writing about...any comments or critisism is welcome! and if you dont' like it tell me! just tell me why!


Blue Sky (Ch 1)



Summer. That’s when it really started. Or at least, that’s when it started for me. When my mother signed me up for “Learning For a Better Future” camp, I learned quite a bit that I didn’t know about my seemingly perfect home. Let see, oh yes. It was about a week into summer. The camp my mother signed me up for came more quickly than I thought. Before I knew it, I was getting up at 7:00. I threw on some clothes and trudged to the door. My mother swung her purse over her shoulder and began to rummage around in her purse for her keys. She glanced at the side of door and sighed. “There’re my keys!” She had left them, as usual, on the key rack. She then turned and beamed at me saying, “Ready to go?”
“Ready as ever.” I replied
Then, we were off.
It didn’t take more than 10 minutes to reach the building. Above the door was a neon sign with the words “Learning for a Better Future”. I was not looking forward to entering the building and was more than willing to turn around and go back. My mother opened one of the glass doors and stepped aside saying “After you!”
The inside of the building was obviously new. It even still had a new paint smell to it. The floors shimmered and behind the front desk stood a tall thin lady with an exceptionally large smile on her face. My mom approached the counter and began asking about the program and when she should pick me up. She was obviously pleased for when she turned to me, her smile was just as wide as the receptionist’s. The receptionist’s name was Riamm and was also going to be my ‘mentor’. My mother then motioned for me to come to her and meet Riamm. She was even thinner up close and wore small square glasses a top her nose. She gave me directions to a room down the hall. “See you later!” my mom said with a smile. No sooner had she said this, she was out the door and starting the car.
“Go on back to the room, there should be some young people around your age already there,” explained Riamm. I nodded and headed on down the hall. I found the door Riamm described as a ‘lovely pink’ and went in.
The room was not a large one. It had two long tables and five computers. Just as Riamm had said, there were already three people here. They were all crowded around one computer as one of them typed furiously away at the keyboard. I walked up behind them and peered over their shoulders. It was unbelievable what this kid was doing. He had managed to get into the camp’s security files and was scanning through the faculty’s personal profiles! Finally, one of the kids noticed my presence and quickly reached for the monitor On/Off switch. “Swear,” he said, “swear that you won’t tell a signal soul!”




Submitted on 2005-03-30 20:50:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Interesting. I like it, and I can't wait to read the rest! I don't like how you just cut off at the kid making her swear taht she wouldn't tell :P you left me hanging :P well I can't wait to see where this goes! Want more :P
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by lilghostyme | [ Reply to This ]
  there were some spelling error's, but other than that it was a good start. cant believe someone took my advice for once...good job with everything. i noticed some run-on sentences, but you can clean those up later. there's one thing you should change. instead of “Go on back to the room, there should be some young people around your age already there,” explained Riamm.", it should be, "Go on back to the room. Their should be some young people around your age already there," Riamm told me." that's one of the few mistakes i saw. cant wait for the next part!
Mark
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Dragonslayer | [ Reply to This ]


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