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    dots Submission Name: I Trydots

    Author: C. Flava
    ASL Info:    19/M/ILLINOIS
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 87/117/28
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Fuck it all
    Total Views: 730
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 560

       Just a little bit drama i've been going through hopefully it will pass. 1 love

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Trydots

    No matter how hard I try
    I can't do nothing right
    Each time I try
    There's always a fight.

    I can't keep doing this shit
    Cause all I do is hurt
    I try to fix things
    And it never works

    I guess i'll just stop
    Trying to make evryone happy
    Cause the truth is I'm just making everyone feel feel crappy.

    Being a people pleaser
    Doesn't really work
    Because no matter how hard I try
    I still come out looking like a jerk.

    Submitted on 2005-03-31 02:49:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Being a people pleaser
    Doesn't really work
    Because no matter how hard I try
    I still come out looking like a jerk.

    Ain't that the truth. I find your style of expression very direct and simple. "Meaning" comes in many guises. I aim to be plainly spoken in my own work, but often fall short of it. My main comment is that philosophy is the essence of poetry. If there is no deeper meaning to it, then what does it exist for? The last stanza of this poem is a kernel of philosophical discourse of a sort. Read, read, read, and when you're not reading...write. It helps to hone our skills as word-weavers.

    Hey what the hell does lol mean? Everyone keeps writing that into their messages and critiques and i don't know what it means.

    all my best, kc
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      yah, it's hard, hm, trying to please everyone at the same time. You eventually get so tangled up you trip and fall on your face. Ugh, I know how that feels. Maybe if you help people by doing what's best for them instead of what they want will make you feel good, even though they get pissed, cos you'll know they are wrong. Weird concept, huh? Well, it works with me.

    Anyway, for the poem, i love the way you manage to make short ones. I have some trouble finding ends to my poems, I spend hours trying to think one up, so I look up to those who manage it. Congratulations!

    Um, other than the other grammar mistakes mentioned before me, I noticed "evryone" has an "e" missing. Is that coloquial english? If it is, sorry... Besides that, it was good!

    Keep up with the good work and I hope you manage to figure things out!

    | Posted on 2005-04-15 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this writing, but I have some suggestions..maybe you dont care but here they are anyway:

    I think that this poem would be awesome if you used some metaphors and if you didnt use a rhyme scheme. It seems as though the rhyming holds you back from so much more that could be said.

    All in all this is a good piece and you are a great writer, keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this because I have gone through something similar. In fact, many people go through this at one point in time. It had good form and was a bit simplistic which makes it an easy read, and a good one to follow. (Although, you went straight to the point in this and wasn't confusing in the slightest.) I believe 'Absenta Deliria' has pointed out everything I noticed. Good job, and I hope this passes soon. ~SirensSong~
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by SirensSong | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey C.Flava

    Nice little poem you have made here ;0) Even you have tried, did you do something right ;0) Maybe it is a paradox of your life, thinking that you are not doing anything right, without noticing that you are doing something right. I do not know, but funny though ;0)

    I think you could bring forward the essence by changing some of the words and remove some of the errors ;0) But nice little poem

    Keep writing ;0)

    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]

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