Description: I don't know where this came from but I hope you like it just as much as I do. I was just thinking of a pheonix and this is what came out. Man I have been having a poetry boom lately.
The Phoenix -------------------------------------------
Bright oranges
deep reds
sounds of power
yet beauty
I take flight
the sky
is my territory
I reign high
and mighty
above all beings
I strike fear
in the eyes
of every creature
I singe the clouds
ignite the skies
storms brew
in my presence
lightening crackles
raindrops sizzle
setting ablaze
all that lies
in my path
I sing a song
of beauty
that belongs
solely to me
it creates a trance
a hypnotic state
that can never
be broken
I am Alpha
and Omega
beauty
yet fear
day
and night
as my beginnings
come to an end
As I return
to the ash
from whence
I came
I let out one last
triumphant cry
and become dust
until I rise again
Oh wow Janese! I love this! I mean it! It gave me the message to do the most you can in life and people will respect and when you die your memory will live on in them. It also reminded me of the story of Jesus how he says he'll come again. Excellent imagery! Keep it up! And I'll try to comment more.
The first time I read this poem I knew that it was great. I love this stanza I singe the clouds ignite the skies storms brew in my presence lightening crackles raindrops sizzle setting ablaze all that lies in my path
I believe that this is you. You are the phoenix. No matter how much people might try to bring you down you always seem to resurrect from it. You do intimidate people because you are great and they know you are going to be successful and because they envy you. I do have to say that I did not like the first stanza. It really belongs there but it is not as inspirational of magnificent as the other ones. This is one of your best poems. Your masterpiece.
And then all the saints were called to heaven and those who had taken the mark of the devil were thrown to the pit. This sounds like an excerpt from the Bible, Revelations to be exact. O.D. sis, it takes a couple of read throughs to get it correct; some stuff could be rather offensive if taken litteraly. Which the reader does at first, thinking that this piece here is a straight forward, literal work. But readin it the second time around lets you see clearly. Take this stanza for verse:
I am Alpha and Omega- any Christian worth their salt knows what this refers to but the second time around you get it. This line doesn't mean what God meant when he said it, it is saying that the Phoenix dies as it's own Omega and yet is always reborn, it's own Alpha.
Or this stanza:
As I return To the ash From whence I came I let out one last Triumphant cry And become dust Until I rise again This can easily be seen as Jesus's death, the last words he speaks before he dies, his resurection with all power in his hand and the promise that he'll return for his people. But, a second read through lets you see that all you've said is that the Phoenix turns to ash with a cry of triumph knowing that it will return to life.
In a way, the phoenix is a very good representation of Jesus, but I guess the old guys who wrote the Bible didn't make a reference to it for a reason.
O.D. sis, good Job Ghost Child
P.S. If this seems like a bash, please don't take it that way. I study the Bible...well, religiously and some of the things said in this poem just brought some things to mind. All in all the poem and its meaning is Ocean Deep and I enjoyed it immensely.
Excellent. the phoenix (spelled thus!) is a great image for inspiration, hope or reincarnation or both and more besdides. It forms a leitmotif which gives structure to your whole poem. well done. a nice, compact, objective piece that could at the same time be subjective for the empowerment of the poet.
'I singe the clouds ignite the skies storms brew in my presence lightening crackles raindrops sizzle setting ablaze all that lies in my path'
Damn. That is some good imagery, especially the part I just quoted. I love how you've made the Phoenix seem so proud and knowing of its own beauty.
I can't really fault it, it's pretty good. Maybe you could have used the word "beauty" slightly less though. While you actually only used it three times, and it does describe the Phoenix extremely well, I just felt that you could have used another word in it's place.
Beautiful work about such a marvelous creature. A pity it does not truly exist. The imagery in your poem is excellent! The phoenix is imposing and it's difficult not to awe and respect it. The stanza that most caught my attention was the last one as you describe the death and rebirth of the phoenix. Continue with your poetry boom!
Submission Name: The Phoenix
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