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Untrustworthy salt


Author: marysunshine
ASL Info:    34, Female,
Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 610 /705 /75
Words: 188
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1351
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1208



Description:


I remember my father telling me never to trust a man who doesn't taste his food before salting...



Untrustworthy salt



Daddy’s thump fills the cracks in my morals.
His voice plays the bass to my thoughts.
“Don’t trust the man who salts his food before tasting”
“But why?” runs unanswered on the loop in my brain.

You set out a picnic to eat on soggy grass,
and amongst turkey sandwiches
lays a shaker of salt.
I beg in my mind that you’ll bite before seasoning,
and panic soon fills the wind at the picnic,
as I painfully watch your generous sprinkle.

Frustrated questioning busts from my mouth
“Why do you salt prior to tasting??”
Could this be the man my dad warned me about?
Are you the untrustworthy taster?
A smile that thinks I should know better comes,
and your hand moves a stressed windswept lock from my eye.

“My love, I made lunch for your delicate taste buds,
wouldn’t dream of offending your sweet mouth with salt.”
and silence then follows, the bass line has ended.
Dad’s thump is now gone from my thoughts.
The “why?” loop is answered, and peaceful sighs follow,
we laugh as we love through our lunch.




Submitted on 2005-03-31 10:34:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is a nice look at the trouble with absolutisms . . . or wise sayings and their lack of flexibility. The seemingly innocent things which can take on such a sinister air that has nothing to do with them, in and of themselves, but come from some prior experience or in this case, words of caution. The underlying theme here that I get is we must always be brave enough to ask the questions, or to question our own perceptions, to take a second look, and give it a chance before rushing to judgment.

Now, THAT'S good advice . . .
| Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
  Aw, that's very sweet. It reminds me of things my granny says like: "Never date a man prettier than you" (Of course that's an easy one to understand). I like how he violates the advice, but that's a good thing. I think you could tighten it up some too, but that's your call because I'm Miss "Too Short." I like how it unfolds too. I like how you actually have to read the whole thing. Some poems you can stop in the middle and still get the meaning. I know it's a typo, but I'd get rid of the extra question mark in "“Why do you salt prior to tasting??”
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  This was beautiful. I loved the way you used salt to compare to an untrustworthy guy, someone who jumps into the water without testing to see how cold it is. It flowed really well, even with the lack of rhyming, and over all, I enjoyed the concept.
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
  I can only hope that my daughter holds my words with such weight. The "why" of course, would be because if a man seasons before tasting he jumps into situations without fully considering them, relying on preconcieved "tastes" or prejudices...in this case he already knows that no salt has been added, but still...has he tasted the turkey to see if it has already been salted? Most prepackaged stuff is, so speaking on behalf of dads who love their daughters everywhere, I think you may have let him off the hook too quickly...I say give him another test!

Very fun and the need to know what will happen allows one to cut through the repetitious season, salt and taste derivatives. If I had one suggestion it would be to shorthen up the lines a little to add drama to the piece. This is a kinda edge of the seat thing and I think the quicker line breaks would enhance that, but maybe that's just me.

Good stuff...and now I'm hungry. Turkey sounds good.
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  Really original. I'm kind of confused by it, but it probably has personal meaning. I like this, though. A lot! I love the dialogue in it, and the fact that you describe your father's message as a bass line. Really good poem. Thank you for putting this on here, it made me smile.
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Areinaka | [ Reply to This ]


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