Description: Ok, so, the title may seem to have nothing to do with the piece. But, it does to me. Just because it sort of was born of an emotion...spiraling down the rabbit hole, if you will.
Alice -------------------------------------------
Pound your fists on these white-washed walls
Show so many scars and bear so many falls
Scream until you cannot speak
Curse the ones who make you weak
Drown, drown in your pool of despair
Cry because you're life isn't fair
Curse the clouds with no silver lining
Give up because it's not worth fighting
Give in to your fears of the dark and the cold
Live until you just get old
That's how it is, day after day
But what you don't know is: God hears when you pray
Scream until you're blue in the face
That won't help you win this race
Go on, give up; quit the fight
Complain that it all just isn't right
Give up your hope; it's all you've got
You might as well; you've lost the plot
My my my, I really love this. It screamed Alice and you fed her full of life. I can imagine well with your piece a timid and distraught young girl. In did in fact have a lightness to it, which I am not so used to see in alice poetry, but I indeed enjoyed that twist. <3
i don't think i got all into this one cause i was thinking about something else why reading this poem. But it sounded good. I can't tell you whats wrong with it cause i didn't know.
I found this piece very interesting. It is always refreshing to see angst turned to reflection. I also believe the two lines brought up earlier could use a touch of polish. They may work better if they were at the very end, as a kind of reaffirmation. I usually don't appreciate religious themes in poetry, but you've done a nice job of making me ignore it in this case. It has accomplished it's job of making me regret my own self pity, which has made me even more pitiable. Although it has flaws, this work is one of the better pieces of "hope" poetry I've read. His Assholiness -
this was really good, i feel depressed alot...but you put a twist on it, ...SeveredHeart is right though...those two lines do distract from it...you can't help but look at those lines...hmm...
Submission Name: Alice
