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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Crow on my Silldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mcgovern_xiii
    ASL Info:    35/M/NewEngland
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 70/91/26
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 240
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 648



    Description:
       It turned out just to be high blood pressure, or was it…….


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Crow on my Silldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Last night I heard a fluttering, like a whisper in my ear.
    The wings of demons or angels I fear.
    A breath so close you couldn’t tell how far.
    “I wasn’t afraid,” but you know you still are.
    With a soft caress a chill to the spine.
    I was told a secret, but …”the secret was mine.”
    Covered in sweat, though the room was cold.
    I kept my sanity but my wits were stole.
    Forever till sunrise, a dangling wish.
    Danced in my mind like a hook to a fish.
    But only for a moment I sat wondering.
    What was given or what did it take.
    So many horrors…”Yes, I’m AWAKE!”




    Submitted on 2005-03-31 20:24:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the dialouge interspersed in the poems; it gives it a private tone and, though it breaks the flow with a twist it does so in a good way. I wasn't sure what you were doing with your rhyme scheme, and I didn't like that every line ended with a period, even when it was an unnecessary piece of punctuation. Although it is poetry, the basic rules of punctuation tend to apply and there's no reason to be sticking a period onto the end of everything. Good use of imagery, but I think that this could use some polish. I especially liked "Danced in my mind like a hook to a fish."
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by dreamexandra | [ Reply to This ]
      Typo:
    second line... angles I assume should have been angels

    Now that the typo thing is out of the way:

    This is odd. Not the write, how I feel about it. When I read it aloud, I LOVE this piece. The wording is catchy, it flows nicely, the rhyme scheme sounds nice, etc. The part I don't like? I don't get it. Every couple of lines, I think "ahh, that's what he means", then by the end of the next line, I haven't a clue again. It is entirely possible that I'm just to literal minded, or what have you, but I just don't get it.
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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