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untitled


Author: Deacon
Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 19 /23 /9
Words: 61
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1270
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 317



Description:


No pauses, commas or periods in this poem it should be read all the way to the end. not to fast but never ceasing like the wind.


untitled



Looking out a 2 pane glass window frail veal of haze covers the mornings wake a shivered glance across the lake at the love I forsake standing wispy on dew sparkled blades of grass she whispers sweet nothings on passing breezes that stop to gasp only to turn to tell me of the beauty that I let slip my grasp.




Submitted on 2005-04-01 07:58:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is good. A short write but some of the best are. I would however, break the lines a bit.. such as:

"Looking out a 2 pane glass window
frail veal of haze covers the mornings wake
a shivered glance across the lake
at the love I forsake standing wispy
on dew sparkled blades of grass
she whispers sweet nothings on passing
breezes that stop to gasp
only to turn to tell me of the beauty
that I let slip my grasp."

Also change the 2 pane to two-pane?

Just my thoughts.

I like what it says and how you said it. It's good.

Take Care!
~Sandra
| Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


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