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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Not My Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1103
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1039



    Description:
       Alright. Explanations are in order. This poem just came out of me. They do that sometimes. I have no clue why I would write this horrible stuff. Please don't flip out over the torture factor. It scared me too. Just tell me if you like my writing style or not.

    Setting: This is supposed to be in a coroner's office or something. The police have a guy in custody, who is an infamous murderer. A girl comes in, and starts pointing out the fact that she was guilty. A sick, twisted mind she has. Agree?

    P.S. Don't tell me I need therapy, I know I do.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNot My Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sadist, masochist, Satanist.
    It's all the same.
    When someone dies,
    He's the one they blame.

    It wasn't him.
    Are you blind?
    The marks are there
    That make the victim mine.

    Let me show you.
    See here? On the head?
    I shoved a nail there
    To make the blood run red.

    You want more?
    Look at the body's back.
    I used a leather whip
    until the spine cracked.

    See the bite marks on the neck?
    I like blood, it's good, you see?
    Need more to convince you
    That it wasn't him, but me?

    Roll the body over.
    Look down the pants.
    Everything's missing
    That made him a man.

    There's so much more
    I swear to you.
    Want to see it?
    No? You're going to puke?

    Alright, let's go
    Take me to jail.
    I'll have lots of fun
    Making the prisoners wail.




    Submitted on 2005-04-01 11:23:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Awesome I like it so cool so enchanting evil Like
    alright you were right if liked suicide I would like this too thanks Keep writing your awesome
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by Cara R.D | [ Reply to This ]
      You truly got into the killers mind and I like that, but could you have made the subject more crazy, I think that you could if you tried. Maybe draw attention to certain parts by using caps. You can be creative with this and then by EMPHASIS on certain words of your choosing then you could draw insanity in to be more powerful.
    I don't like stanza three the first part is good but the last line is badly written "To make the blood run red" Blood is always red but suppose you capped "RED" then it would put emphasis on that color and make the subject seem much madder. Overall I liked it though, keep up the good work and thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      i like that you got into the killers mind, and showed us that sometimes the people that do these things WANT to get caught for attention, and because they would rather die than see someone else get blamed for their "work". heh. it was a great idea. however, the flow was off, and i think it could be a lot more powerful...idk...i just didn't get enough out of it. keep writing.

    -christina.
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by cre_dia | [ Reply to This ]
      Sooooooo evil!!! I plead the blood of Jesus LOL. Good write. Almost sexy when you take away everything that made him a man. Now did you cut it off or did you bite it off? LOL Anyway, very good imaginative piece. I mean, I hope this is imaginative..


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    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      *smiles* I like this poem. The thirst to prove the kill was hers totally draw me in. Also the lack of fear from the consequences.

    Great work!
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by Nynaeve | [ Reply to This ]
      Swaggering naughty thrilling -what does it say, not about the poet, but about those of us who enjoy it? The fact that it's a female somehow makes it seem more ironic. I liked the short verses & the voice, too.
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed the way the verses ran. i really like how the person knows thier crazy and is proud of it. That is a realiztion you don't see that often. I hope to see more o f your work soon.
    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by trenthippie | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooh...Dark..heh, I like! I think the torture parts weren't that bad, trust me...I probably would have done worse. But see...I too need therapy, or so they tell me, lol. This one is a good one, and most definitly do I like it. (did that make sense?!) This ones a favorite, yup yup.
    ~Ma
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very late night and dark. I don't want to know what he did to you. No matter how dark this poem is very well put together. Not something I would do, but that is what makes us all unique our perspectives.
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]


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