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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insane Butterfliesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 933
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 263



    Description:
       One of my few "lighter" poems. Written a long time ago. One of my first poems.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsane Butterfliesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Butterflies are beautiful,
    They flutter like nothing can.
    Hiding from the wind and rain.
    They never see others pain.
    All of them different.
    All of them the same.
    When I look at all the patterns, I nearly go
    INSANE!




    Submitted on 2005-04-01 11:26:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I'd say you go insane by all the many intricate patterns and details each one has. I like this short and simple poem. Not simple as in boring but as in what needs to be said is said...
    Makes one almost wish they "were" a butterfly.
    No worries.. except to stay out of the rain.
    An enjoyable read.
    Nicely done.

    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cute piece. The insane thing kinda takes away from its cuteness, but perhaps that was your intent. All in all it was a refreshing read.
    your friend
    ben
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      > They never see others pain.

    This line doesn't seem to relate to the rest of the poem. If the poem was about pain, then you could use it. But in this poem, you could try something else maybe like this: "Protect their colored span" (like in wingspan?)

    With or without that change, I think you could improve the readability of this just by changing the formatting a little. Here's what I'd do:

    Butterflies are beautiful,
    They flutter like nothing can.
    Hiding from the wind and rain.
    [Protect their colored span]

    All of them different.
    All of them the same.
    When I look at all the patterns,
    I nearly go INSANE!

    I love the brief spontaneity of this piece. It's sunshine on a rainy day! Thanks for sharing.
    bent
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]
      This one was short and simple, but in fact it was a bit too complicated... nevermind. I think that you do a great writting job, and remember to always be true to your art, you'll become a great writter.

    -Gothik-

    ^_^ by the way thanks for commenting my poem: the protector
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by Gothik | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehe, this is cute. Made me laugh. But silver is right it is a tad bit confusing. Maybe its the..patterns of a butterfly? Since..that is what you said to your second to last line. Other than that it was a cute one.
    ~Ma
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      So is it the beauty that almost makes you insane or the fact that they are all different and the same at the sametime? It is short and simple, but a little confusing. Just like the butterflies you marvel at.
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]


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