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    dots Submission Name: feeling's lostdots

    Author: nwproud
    ASL Info:    27 / vancouver, wa
    Elite Ratio:    5.62 - 280/243/64
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1120
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 666

       how it all seems to play out, as if its supposed to be, simply because it happens

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfeeling's lostdots

    she walks in slow, and,
    our eyes will momentarily
    come together, locked,
    though perpindicularly,
    as she continues. But
    in her mind, she wants,
    her heart bids her about,
    as it feels my eyes taunt.
    How hard it must seem, for
    in her soul, reminded,
    and so now for her, love
    is nothing but by to be blinded.
    and i am restricted, true,
    unfair in this world, knowing
    all the love I could offer
    to change where we're going.
    For it seems soon, here
    will be the defining time
    unable to be released
    in neither word nor rhyme.

    Submitted on 2005-04-02 12:35:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Pretty good, tough to understand at times but when I slowed down and re-read it made sense. Punctuation could help, but over all another good write.
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Before I comment on the content, I must say the flow and breakup of the lines made it quite difficult for me to take in the words. Maybe more punctuation or perhaps using different places to separate the words would help?
    As far as content, it's a different feeling from most poems i read, kinda like I'm watching it on a screen, like you can see the whole picture from the outside. Very interesting in that respect.
    The only other thing: when you say "perpendicular" i get the feeling like it would make more sense if it said "parallel" (like eyes locked in a parallel fashion).
    Other than that a good read overall. Hope to see more!
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by WolfStar | [ Reply to This ]

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