[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: feeling's lostdots

    Author: nwproud
    ASL Info:    27 / vancouver, wa
    Elite Ratio:    5.62 - 280/243/64
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 750
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 666

       how it all seems to play out, as if its supposed to be, simply because it happens

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfeeling's lostdots

    she walks in slow, and,
    our eyes will momentarily
    come together, locked,
    though perpindicularly,
    as she continues. But
    in her mind, she wants,
    her heart bids her about,
    as it feels my eyes taunt.
    How hard it must seem, for
    in her soul, reminded,
    and so now for her, love
    is nothing but by to be blinded.
    and i am restricted, true,
    unfair in this world, knowing
    all the love I could offer
    to change where we're going.
    For it seems soon, here
    will be the defining time
    unable to be released
    in neither word nor rhyme.

    Submitted on 2005-04-02 12:35:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Pretty good, tough to understand at times but when I slowed down and re-read it made sense. Punctuation could help, but over all another good write.
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Before I comment on the content, I must say the flow and breakup of the lines made it quite difficult for me to take in the words. Maybe more punctuation or perhaps using different places to separate the words would help?
    As far as content, it's a different feeling from most poems i read, kinda like I'm watching it on a screen, like you can see the whole picture from the outside. Very interesting in that respect.
    The only other thing: when you say "perpendicular" i get the feeling like it would make more sense if it said "parallel" (like eyes locked in a parallel fashion).
    Other than that a good read overall. Hope to see more!
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by WolfStar | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Bond written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wavelength written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]