[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: in dreamsdots

    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1134
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 839

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsin dreamsdots

    In dreams of you, when I'm awake
    my kiss, my touch, how you'd quake

    From before a point, when time began
    to the last clutch to hold your hand
    from when I'd stop, and you were glad to see
    how now you've all but forgotten me

    In dreams of you, when I'm awake
    a tear reveals this empty ache

    Everything in time will pass
    except this pain that has amassed
    it fills my heart, my soul, my head
    a torment, a love, that's never dead

    In dreams of you, when I'm awake
    covered by emptiness only my love could make

    everything we ever said
    pressed together, lying in bed
    now tears fill my eyes and stain this page
    sleepless nights, this love does rage

    Submitted on 2005-04-02 17:03:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Firstly I love the flow of this poem.
    I read many writes and not many lately have been comfortable to read.
    This I could read many times over.

    One of my pet peeves in poetry, including my own, is the alternate rhyming that encourages badly composed lines just to fit the scheme.
    Here we don't have those clumsy lines, the words seem to be picked because of their meaning not just their sounds.
    The only criticism I have for this piece.
    The last line falls a little flat to me.

    I believe it would scan better by prefixing the line with
    "through my"
    Even "In" I think could improve that last line.

    Over all though a great write.
    thanks for posting it.

    | Posted on 2012-10-29 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      This is now the second poem of yours I've read. I'm officially a fan now! :) Makes me want to read all, you are a really great writer. Great flow, great descriptions, great feeling. I think this is now one of my favorite poems.
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by ash20819 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relativity written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The World written by jjd
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]