Dark World by C. Starr

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Dark World dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	C. Starr
ASL Info:	35/yesplz/State of denial
Elite Ratio:	4.22 - 130/196/68
Words:	113

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	1481
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	612

Description:
Written in 1993.

Dark World dots

-------------------------------------------

I live in a world of darkness, where the only light comes from my eyes,
Seas without laughter and mountains filled with lies.
My heart, it still beats on time.... yet I don't feel alive,
For of pure love or true happiness I am deprived.
I want to end it all, but in this world there is no easy way out,
Why must I go through this pain, this unreasonable grief, these times of doubt.
Sometimes.....I can close my eyes,
And see visions of beautiful skies.
Then I return to my dull haze,
And the aimless walk through this endless maze.

Submitted on 2005-04-02 20:37:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  hmmmmm, not bad for being what...like 12/13 :P...If you posted this at age thirteen I wouldn't have been able to give you a ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ comment, because that's pretty damn good :)...It's not your typical suicidal/depressed poem, it's filled with nice images and it makes sense :)
My heart, it still beats on time... yet I don't feel alive
This I thought was a pretty good line that helps lead into the poem...some of the descriptions are pretty basic and you probably could have fit in a better descriptive word, for example:
visions of beautiful skies.
obviously it fits but it seems kind of generic, but obviously when you wrote it 12 years ago :P...Just curious, was this your first poem that you wrote, or are there one's before this...
pretty good job, exellent job given age considerations :)

KeEpWritin'

S...T...W
| Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
  i read this poem with soft music in the background (coincidently) and I stopped for a moment at the end to let it all sink in.

I was just wondering, did you write this before or after "My Angel"? If you wrote it after, it's even more understandable, the grief and frustration with life. Everything seems to fall apart after something terrible like that happens.

"Sometimes...I can close my eyes" - The pause you placed between sometimes and I is so deep I could nearly hear you sighing sadly with tears as you gathered yourself to continue. The climax of the poem for me. It's beautiful just like that. I loved it.
drika
| Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
  Well all I can say is I love this one and I'm putting it as a fav. Voteing wow. I feel this poem more than you think I do. You write in the same style that I do. The words you use and the way you feel about certain things is amazeing, the fact that you can write so deep and word it perfectly. Thanks for shareing this one. keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
  gosh, i continue to feel the pain in your work, i know, written more than 10 years ago, but in this kind of work, its hard for the meaning to change, if anything, reading it again must emphasize the point even more now. the feelings portrayed and the thought felt were very meaningful, i think that this is a very deep piece, id think a very hard topic to write on, but you seem to describe it very well. its not beauty, though, dont make it seem that way.
| Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

52805

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.