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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: HOLLOWdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/The pain inside
    Total Views: 994
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 857



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHOLLOWdots
    -------------------------------------------


    To alone inside this world,
    my freedom is undone.
    As hollow for I have no soul,
    but I can feel the sun.
    In my mind the thoughts decay,
    my heart was never found.
    Bringing me nothing but hate,
    as I hear these falling sounds.
    Delete myself from above,
    the clouds are under ground.
    Sometimes I just can't be alive,
    but my death would turn around.
    I just don't know what to do,
    for I feel like I'm insane.
    People just can't read my eyes,
    but I ccan feel the pain.
    Walking with no heart and soul,
    upon a dredfull dream.
    When I die and might be soon,
    my fear will not be seen.
    Saddness rains over my head,
    as inside my brain I cry.
    Liveing in a hollow life,
    sometimes I want to die.




    Submitted on 2005-04-03 07:04:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this was a great poem. There were spelling errors but nothing to keep me from knowing what the word is. I know how you feel and death seems great for me. I try writting to explain what I'm feeling but I dont write too good. When I write I dont normally go back and fix things I just go with the flow. It's kinda a way of expressing myself. I get to the point no sugar coating just truth. I want to be original so I type what comes to mind. Well I enjoyed this poem. Hope to see more soon.
    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      4 Things, only minor though.

    "To alone inside this world,"
    'To' should be 'Too', I think.

    "but I ccan feel the pain.'
    You need to remove the 'cc' in can.

    "upon a dredfull dream."
    'dredfull' should be 'dreadful'.

    "Liveing in a hollow life,"
    "Liveing' should be 'Living'.

    Those are the only problems I see. Sometimes we start typing so fast that we make mistakes, and that's cool. Just thought I would point those things out to you. If any of them were meant to be that way, then I apologize.

    Otherwise, a great write. I hope to see more soon.

    Unicorn
    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]


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