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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beneath The Eucalyptidots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 688
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1284



    Description:
       Different perspectives, the subject as seen from the trees. A change from my normal styles. But again, as all motivated by my love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeneath The Eucalyptidots
    -------------------------------------------


    A tandem of Eucalyptus been birthed for us
    Their foothold as strong as our new love
    Twin growth, our garden cultivated as pair
    Coupled testament us, lets germination begin

    One thought dead by winterís harsh hand
    New growth appears, twain planted now two
    Their dual existence brought together by destiny
    As we, two benefactors of a beautiful happenstance

    Nurture their life as I by your love
    Prune the fragrant foliage their sweetness lingers
    Medicinal oils seep forth torn leaves
    Your kiss my inoculate, a dose taken willingly

    They will witness events past our epoch
    Though happiness displayed or played as such
    Their visage of us, life run forward
    Spurs their growth more surer than water

    Have the trees no emotion they harbor no pain
    For old growth is natural the earth provides
    Our existence is linear our demise is sure
    Together we lay, our nutrients absorbed

    Bury us under the trees a chance to reborn
    To give life from life, fertile their world
    Replace their sustenance repay their care
    We live forever, cellulose in growth

    Beneath the Eucalypti





    Submitted on 2005-04-03 17:52:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What a freaken kick a!@ day 4 great LOVE poetry! This piece is totally up my alley and you have such a wonderful way of portraying and examining LOVE*TRUTH!
    Plus, you are a fan of South Park and well, you have to be a good soul with not only lots of love but a great sense of humor! Love, Peace, Joy! ps: check out "Eye Wander" - i believe you'll appreciate the perspective ; > }
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Dave, I was happy with all of this, I could nitpick it but why critique for critique's sake? I think it's a beautiful metaphor, LOVED the "winter's harsh hand" signifying one love lost, or died, and new growth, yes, our hearts are a fertile bed, there is always new growth! I wish all the 14 year-olds who think they can't live any more because their one true love is gone could read this and understand.
    Well done, a fine anthem to your love, and my best wishes to you both for Saturday.
    Your friend
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this Ben, but I would do some rearranging. For instance:

    Nurture their life as I
    by your love
    Prune the fragrant foliage
    (their) sweetness lingers
    Medicinal oils seep forth (from) torn leaves
    Your kiss my inoculate, a dose taken willingly

    I would break it up as I hear it and remove (their) and add (from)

    another verse:

    Have the trees no emotion?
    they harbor no pain
    For old growth is natural
    the earth provides
    Our existence is linear
    our demise is sure
    Together we lay, our nutrients absorbed

    and just a couple of other minor suggestions:

    Bury us under the trees
    a chance to (be) reborn
    To give life from life, (fertile) their world
    Replace their sustenance
    repay their care
    We live forever, cellulose in growth

    add be, move fertile to after their world.

    I hope you don't mind my suggestions. I just think this would help the flow, the understanding and the overall effect of the poem, which is wonderful. Love certainly has inspired you. My turn soon.
    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Can hardly understand this.... Maybe I'm just not reading it right. I'd have to think and digest every word in order to ge thte real meaning. The perspective is what really threw me off. But, again, Ben, a good write. I can get the gist, but the vocabulary twists my thoughts a little. I'll read it again, and PM you with my real thoughts. Have a great day!

    Your Friend,
    Arianna Marie
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by Areinaka | [ Reply to This ]


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